2013

Last year, this time around, I couldn't focus to my study any longer because I kept on thinking about going back home. I was so excited in counting down the days before my flight back to Sabah. I couldn't accept the fact that I had to spend about five days in Bangkok, Thailand when Malaysia was just so near to me. Imagine this; not spending the first day of the fasting month with my family! Like, what abominable was that, I couldn't even.

So near, yet so far.

Well, that was last year.

2014

Now, to be honest - I don't have the same momentum of excitement as I did before. I've realised that, there are still a lot of unsettled business to be finished here, and my time is running short. I feel like, I shouldn't even have the right to fly back to Malaysia unless I've finished everything here. Albeit it'll be the summer holidays.

It's almost like, I should have my flight ticket burnt, and stay here in Russia for the whole summer. It's better, rather than feeling so unsettled at home, during the summer break - knowing that there are so many things that I have to do once I come back for the new semester in fall.

And I know I will NOT study during the holidays. Like, come on. Be serious, and let's be honest. Who in the world would study during the holidays? People forget about books during their holidays. If I did study during the holidays, chances were - people wouldn't see me sitting for my last semester's final exams during the final weeks before the deadline.

My God, when can I finally feel some peace in my mind?

People are so busy counting down the days before their flight. Sadly, I can't be on the same boat as them, because I don't feel like counting. Probably this is just the stress talking, considering I am so absorbed in studying Operative Surgery, or maybe it's the hormones - I don't know myself.

Seriously, I feel like cancelling all of my plans for the summer break. Instead, I'll just sit down quietly in my bedroom and keep my nose to the grindstone. I don't care anyway - I've sacrificed so much things in life that I don't mind to sacrifice this year's summer break for my future.

So yes, this is my summertime sadness.

When I heard this song for the first time last year, I didn't know that this would be my summer jam for this year.

It's so beautifully sad. Beautiful, but sad.

♥ nina.sha ♥