Bismillahirrahmanirrahim.

Assalamu'alaikum wbt.

So... while I was waiting to be called for dinner, I had this sudden, crazy ideas in my head about death, again.

As we all know, some people love to think about the things that they should do before they die, and what the living people should do when they die. Some people will leave a letter hidden somewhere; maybe between one of their favourite books or in one of their box of memories or even in an unexpected place - like the laundry basket (okay, that was a joke. Why would people ever put something important in a laundry basket, right?). Some people will have like a super long list about what should be done during their funeral, like play their favourite songs or dress them according to their wishes.

I did not know why this thing suddenly popped inside my head, and before I knew it - my fingers started to type whatever was swimming inside my head that time. The funny thing was, my head was filled with crazy and funny (maybe) ideas that in the end I had to filter some of the ideas to be written here, just in case people will think that I am planning my own death soon, which by the way, I AM NOT.

First off, it's the letter. Maybe I should leave a jolly and happy goodbye letter and hide it in one of my favourite novel so that one day, when someone finds it and read it to the others, they will be laughing and smiling instead of crying a bucket of tears. In the letter, I should write an apology to everyone and tell how awesome life I have all these years that I will not regret if I die early.

Hmmm, maybe not the regret part as well, you know, I might write about regretting not to do some important before I die somewhere in the letter later on. Like, how much have I done for the ummah? Have I done anything that makes my parents happy? Have I hurt anyone that I do not know about? Do I have debts that I do not remember? Have I done anything that pleases myself and at least there will be a thing that I am proud of doing? How many things that I have done that I finally can tick off some from my to-do list? Yes, I do have a lot of things that I still want to do while I am still alive, but I guess a human can only do so many things while the time is running out; fast.

Or maybe I should not leave any letter behind. Let them question and think about the answers among themselves. Oh, that would leave a lot of mysterious vibe on my death... at least I think it that way.

And people having conversations regarding on my death, something like, "Did you know if she had said or do anything weird before she died?"

"Um, not that I know of... no. I guess not."

Second, oh. It's my Facebook account. Maybe when I get so tired and bored of it that deleting it would be the one of the best decision I have ever made in my life, I would do it. Yes, maybe I should delete my Facebook account...

... or should I play with the living humans and ask somebody to update my account with ridiculous and crazy statuses even when I am away from this world, forever? In other words, having somebody living off as me on the internet? *evil grin, evil laughter*

I will ask somebody that I really believe in to manage my account after I die and say this to the person, "You make sure update my statuses even after I die." Maybe I will list out a few statuses that the person should write, and make sure the person learns the way I write my statuses and if possible, what kind of videos or pictures should be posted on my Facebook account. As a start, I will ask that person to post something like, "So hey, how are you guys? Finally, I am settled in this new damp, pebbly, narrow home made out of red soil! Isn't it great? Yeah, I don't have a lot of space to move around, and I have to admit it is dark and gloomy down here, but I do have God. So you guys don't have to worry, because I am going to be all right. Oh, please do come by to my new house now and then, and talk to me and pray for me. I do get lonely sometimes, and I really have a hate-hate relationship with the creepy crawlers you know. I have my tab down here to accompany me, and the internet reception here is way better than yours at home. HAHAHA, this is so awesome and you guys must be freaking out, isn't it? :P"

That status will freak everyone out, like really freak out. Oh oh oh, I should add 'feeling awesome at the Grave' next to my name in my status. HAHAHA, it will be more epic if that person will reply every single comment on my timeline, as if I am the one who is replying them. You know, so convincing that this person will leave everyone confused whether  I am still alive. Something like, "Oh my God, is she still alive? Her timeline is so active!"

I have a lot of things that I will leave behind when I die (maybe not money, hey I still live off my parents' money but they can take it back if I still have any balance in both of my accounts, I have no more power on them anyway). Ah! I should ask my family to give out my things to the unfortunates, the ones who need them more than I do (but my family members can take them too, if there is anything that they can make use of) and maybe to some of my friends. And I should attach a note together with all of my stuffs, saying "USE IT WELL."

You know, just like in Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone - where Professor Dumbledore sent the Invisibility Cloak back to Harry Potter with the same note. That would be so cool, since I am a big Harry Potter fan myself.

This is so crazy, writing what you should do before you die even when you do not even know when you ARE going to die. I do not know, I might die in front of the laptop now, I might die in my sleep, I might die while I study, I might die while I eat, I might die out in the cold (oh, that would be so cool, and it would be cooler if the snow is very thick that time), I might die out of sickness; I might die out anywhere, any time that He wanted me to die. 

There is a Korean joke about death that I always thought that it has a deeper meaning - "He will die when the last leaf falls". This reminds me of another story which is called 'The Last Leaf' by O. Henry from a book of short stories titled 'The Gift of Magi' back at home. I will discuss this in another post later on, if I have the mojo to do so.

To think about death is very fascinating, and very scary and haunting at the same time. It is like asking yourself a question, and there is no wrong answer to it. Or, it is like a guessing game on how are you going to die one day: is it going to be painful, is it going to be easy, is it going to be bloody, is it going to be smooth. Well, of course it is going to be unexpected - no one will know when exactly he or she will die, otherwise we would have seen people prepare for their next life in advance. But Allah let our deaths be as secrets so that we can learn how to prepare for the next life ALL the time. And after all, let our deaths be mysteries - humans love mystery, no matter how scary it is sometimes. That curiosity; while it is dangerous (it actually kills the cat, so...), it is an incredible thing. 

At this point, I might actually start writing a life script of myself on "Awesome Ways to Die" or "How Nini Should Die". It sounds so absurd that I feel like laughing to myself now. Since my room mates are sleeping right now, and it is 3 o'clock in the morning, it is a bad idea to laugh out loud now, isn't it?

To be honest, I am freaking myself out - you know, I wrote about death before this, and I am writing about it again, and maybe again. But I have (oh God, why do I have to explain this every single time) a healthy mind, I am normal, NOT SUICIDAL (people, please. My teenage angst days were long gone hahaha), just a normal girl who sometimes think too much and too far about life that I confuse myself sometimes, and the others too.

But you know... death should not be all solemn and sad and dark and I don't know... depressing?

"Every soul will taste death, and you will be only given your [full] compensation on the Day of Resurrection. So he who is drawn away from the Fire and admitted to Paradise has attained [his desire]. And what is the life of this world except the enjoyment of delusion" (QS 3:185)

As a Muslim, we have to remember that this world is nothing but a temporary place for us today. There will be an afterlife for each of us, which will last for an eternal time; forever. That is why we should not have a very strong attachment to the worldly life and forget there is a world of hereafter, which is way, way, way better than now. Allah has described about the hereafter to us in the Quran; about Jannah and Jahannam. We all know the rewards for those who believed and the consequences for those who turned away. So, which one are we?

Now that I think of it, probably this is one of the most random post I have ever wrote. Like so sudden, and direct from the mind.

Ah, to be buried with a pool of tulips would be a worldly heaven.

But again, it's not like I can bring them together with me when I die.

Also, it would be a bit overboard if I ask people in the future to bring a few tulips over to my grave when they come and visit :P

♥ nina.sha ♥