x_No.Disturbia_x

Day Four: Seven Things That Cross Your Mind A Lot

2012-01-09T18:59:00.000-08:00

1. Exams, definitely.

2. Holidays + a programme that will be going on during the holidays (Iqra' programme)

3. My future, this is for sure.

4. Money

5. Food to eat

6. The thing

7. Memories :)

Just a quick update.

No paper today, but tomorrow is going to be a long day - having a paper in the morning and another in the evening. Both papers will require a lot of thinkings and facts, since well, you can't play around with papers that will require a lot of factual information.

Wish me luck! :D

Day Three: Eight Ways to Win Your Heart

2012-01-08T23:05:00.000-08:00

1. Knows his way around the kitchen :) honestly, I really like a guy who can cook well. My dad knows how to cook very well, and I want this quality to be in my husband someday.

2. It's kind of cliché, but I do appreciate when a guy (or anyone actually) gives me presents, especially on special occasions. I would be on top of the world if he knows what are my favourites, like my favourite books or flower.

3. Be able to guide me to know my religion better. I'm still learning about Islam and being a good Muslimah, and I would like a person to teach me about the beauty of Islam :)

4. I don't know why, but only recently I found out that I am comfortable around people who can click in with me whenever we are having conversations, especially with all the mocking and the sense of ridiculousness around. It's not really important, but whoever has this quality is actually a bonus.

5. I like a guy who reads. Be it the lamest book on Earth or the title of the book that I've never heard before, as long he is interested in reading. I found guys who read very cool (haha). My mum had taught me to read as early as preschool times, so reading has been in my blood since (there you go, you got another fact about myself).

6. Someone who always well dressed, no matter where he goes, scores big time with me.

7. Clicks in with my family, since they are the closest people to me. They know my real self, my good qualities and my flaws. In short, they know most of me. In most of things, I cannot simply left out my family. Therefore, if you can impress my family with your true, natural self without any pretences, you actually win half of my heart already.

8. Okay this may sound so outdated and lame, but just be yourself :) I don't mind having someone who don't listen to Within Temptation or who prefers to read non fiction rather than Jodi Picoult. Don't be someone who you're not and be comfortable with your own skin.

It's not in particular or whatsoever.

But I still believe in having a relationship after marriage though.

This challenge is getting interesting.

But now I should study for Islam Civilisation and Asian Civilisation now.

Day Two: Nine Things About Yourself

2012-01-08T09:37:00.000-08:00

I'm always having problems listing down things about myself since forever.

But ah, well don't we all? ;)

1. When I was younger (back in high school days), I liked being a listener better than the speaker when I was involved in a conversation. Maybe back then, I listened better than I talked because well, most of the time - I was always thinking that my problems were not as bad as compared to the others. But, these recent days were much better, as I talked as much as I listened, probably due to environment that inspired me to express out better :)

2. After I attended Foundation more than a year ago, I have grown to trust other people around me more and more. I don't know why, but my Foundation in Science friends especially, are among the people that I'm most comfortable around, regardless the fact that I only know them for a short time. I guess that being a Foundation in Science student for a year had helped me a lot in discovering more about myself and others around me.

3. I like to drive a car better when the windows are open widely. I don't know why but having the windows open not only give me the fresh air from the outside (most of the time), but also I am able to drive faster. I like the feeling when you just feel the adrenaline rush over you when you drive with the windows open, you feel somehow free. Maybe it's just me, I don't know either.

4. Pink is the usually the symbol of feminism, which I agrees - since well, my bedroom is painted in shades of pink and I like it. But the truth is, my favourite colours are red and black. My things tend to be all dark-coloured, but I like to explore the beauty of other colours too :)

5. My handwriting has always been one of my significance. I scribble a lot during lectures when taking down notes, but I dare say that I write very neatly when I remake my notes.

6. I get on awesomely well with my family :D they are the only ones who know me so well, even though when I am not around at home. Maybe it's because home is the only place where I can finally become a part of me that people cannot see when I'm outside. My mum and my dad have been big inspirations for me and as for my siblings, they are on top of my BFF list. I'm not ashamed to say "I love you" to all my family members whenever I got in contact with them.

7. My music type somehow doesn't fit with my personality. People may be thinking I like all those typical Taylor Swift songs, but no, I don't. I hear Taylor Swift's songs too, but I prefer songs that have some beats or catchy, or even symphonic metal like Within Temptation songs.

8. I tend to be a potato couch whenever I'm back at home. I watch all kinds of television series, name it: Crime Scene Investigation, How I Met Your Mother, Glee, House, Numb3rs. And yes, that will include the reality series, like Project Runway and America's Next Top Model. After Asian Food Channel is introduced to Astro, I begin to 'satisfy' my gluttony with all those cooking shows on AFC.

9. I love being optimistic when the people around me are not. I believe that when I always keep up the positive thinking, I will bring the good vibe (hahaha) around so people can be happy and optimistic as I do :)

It's day three now, so I supposed that I'll find myself doing the next challenge after this.

Day One: Ten Things You Want to Say to Ten Different People Right Now

2012-01-06T15:17:00.000-08:00

1. If the sunlight hits your study table, will that make you stupid?

2. When is it coming, sir?

3. I'm sorry. For everything that I've done and for the things that I haven't done.

4. How's your week? How was your exam?

5. I want moneyyy

6. You said the papers were easy. I'm so glad that I didn't believe you hahaha

7. I'm so scared that I'm not going to get it.

8. Let's go out and eat good food :D

9. Don't you dare sleep now. Friend me play games bahahaha XD

10. We don't know each other much, but it's very nice to meet you :)

Try guessing all these people ;)

After exam month finishes, I'm going to stay up late and watch Running Man like there's no tomorrow. The people who run the show are just... TOO AWESOME. OH OH, AND SUPER SUPER HILARIOUS.

By now, you should know who I like the most in the show :)

10 Day Challenges

2012-01-05T21:48:00.000-08:00

I've seen this a lot on other websites, regardless of the original sources from Tumblr. People across the world have been doing it a lot, including some of my friends who are regularly posting the questions in their blog. I don't know how much honesty I'm going to put in answering all these questions, but I'm going to do as honest as I can :)

I'll start tomorrow, if God wills it and if I have some free time. I've always wondered why January is always the exam month in public universities in Malaysia. It's been a tough week for me, mostly due to the lack and last minute of preparation for the papers that I'm going to go through for the next three weeks. Microeconomy had been a big pain in my head, and as for Basic Biotechnology - I'm pretty confident that if only I read earlier, and if only I paid attention to every slide in my notes, I can actually excel the paper.

The only thing that I can hope now that I won't fail the first semester so that I won't have to resit the same subject in the next semester.

love is beautiful

2012-01-05T20:46:00.000-08:00

If marriage depicts an ending, and holds as a sign to a new beginning.

I finally know someone that I want to take me to that next chapter in life :)

there's still time

2012-01-04T03:43:00.000-08:00

I wish I can experience four seasons somewhere.

And I wish I can score my papers without any difficulties.

And I wish I can stop liking someone easily and save myself from the question: why is hard to forget someone.

And I wish I can have all the money in this world and buy lots of things for myself, when there is so little in my pocket.

And I wish I can be confident without doubts about myself.

But out of all wishes,

I'm still wishing (up until now) that I can be a medical student.

Thanks caffeine, you're doing it great. 3.40 am and still awake ;) preparing myself for Microeconomy at 9.00 am. 100 questions to be answered, can you hear my brain screaming and my hear screaming? TRUE STORY.

2012

2012-01-02T00:43:00.000-08:00

IF.

The Mayan prophecy about the world is going to end this year is true; well then, I won't be spending my leisure time here writing a new post. Since 2011 had drew the curtains safely as a sign of the year had ended yesterday, and today - 2012 has come in peace, so it is safe to say the apocalypse isn't going to happen so soon (although, you don't know what's in store for us from God, me scares *shivers*)

It's kind of a tradition people will start making new resolutions and wishes as a fresh start in this new year. What about me? Well, another one big thing that I've learned throughout 2011: do not make new resolutions when you haven't accomplish your old resolutions. I mean, people tend to make new resolutions every day: like, you know, "This year, I'm going to start a family to settle down.", "Today, I'm going to push myself harder and not to study last minute.", "Starting tomorrow, I'm not going to bed late and wake up late the next morning.", "I promise to myself, starting today I won't drink too much anymore." Things like that.

I realised that when I'm making new resolutions, it's like adding another chores on my things-to-do list. If only I counted my resolutions in the past up to today, I would have a super long list of resolutions - which probably only less than half of it are accomplished. How can I tick off some of them when I cannot even manage my everyday things-to-do lists?

Big things like this need DISCIPLINE and COMMITMENT. And if only I don't have these two, it's like having a relationship with someone without love and care. I won't get anywhere if I don't have discipline and commitment to accomplish all of my resolutions.

It's not going to be an easy journey, but it won't be too hard either :) let me try and turn into a new leaf this year and see how far can I go. But that will need commitment too, hahahaha

Okay, so I will be adding a few new (not so new, but oh well, what can I say?) resolutions in my list and maybe, just maybe, tick a few things off the list in return.

1. TRY to excel my first semester examination. Who says being a Biotechnology student is easy?

2. BE more patient and forgiving towards others. This is QUITE hard, since I've just lost my precious cellphone two days ago. IN MY OWN HOUSE LIKE WHAT THE HALIMAH, THE IRONY OF IT. And we gave free food to the thieves, how could they not appreciate it and STEAL. (Ini orang macam ni mesti mau di kasi Yaasin juga ni aish)

3. I turn unofficially 20. So, I have to act like 20... how can I act like a 20-year-old when most of the time; I act like I'm 5?

4. LESS ego. Smile more :B

Maybe it's going to be a long list after all, since I've been adding now and then new resolutions in my head (about more than 10 already?). I'll write by and by about resolutions, but that would take some time because my writing mojo tends to come as fast as it goes. Oh yeah, people tend to write highlights of 2011 - what happened throughout the previous year. Maybe I'll write about that too, including how did we celebrate our New Year at the staircases of our dorm in Kolej Kediaman CD last night, but let's just see how far can my writing mojo lasts :P

p/s: It's January already. Am I waiting for something that won't happen? :( I promised Spring that we would meet each other this year, it seems like the hope for us to meet is fading. How sad, she said she would bring the first blooming flower for me too.

of bridges and barriers

2011-12-07T08:45:00.000-08:00

Probably.
One of the biggest truth that I have to handle is this:

No matter how much time we've spent together, no matter how often we've talked about our daily lives, no matter how many times we met each other anywhere, no matter how many times we've eat and form a team together - there will always be a barrier built between us.

Fitting in doesn't always mean that you have to be someone else to be accepted. Sometimes, you are yourself when you're with a group of people that you thought you've known everything about them - but, there are some parts in the team where you simply cannot click in.

No, it's not about the feeling of left out - it's not about that at all. But it's beyond that. It's unexplainable by words, which leaves you speechless.

And when you have the sudden realisation about this, you somehow feel different.

And maybe; just maybe, your point of view will not be the same any longer.

is this a sign of an early goodbye?

2011-11-22T01:19:00.001-08:00

It's not confirmed yet by letter, but I finally get a hint that my place is finally confirmed, although all the applications are still in process.

People must be thinking that I'll be jumping for joy when I finally got this little piece of news even though it's not official. But then... My mind is running with a lot of emotions. Happy, sad (yes, unfortunately), excited, scared, eager - but of course I'm happy (most of the time) when I heard about the hint that I just got.

For the first time after a long time, I feel that it's really so close, like almost in my hand; just waiting for me to grab it. Seriously, I'll be crying a river when the acceptance letter is finally in my hands.

On the day I finally get it, I'll go all out being emotional despite what people are going to say about me. I'll cry because I'm happy, I'll cry because I finally get it, I'll cry because I'll have to leave everything behind and start all over, I'll cry because I have to stay away from home for a long time, I'll cry because I said yes, I'll cry for the sake of everything.

I should start counting days - and that will take a long time (yeah, that's why waiting is such a pain), and I hope with all of the current distractions around me will make the time flies faster. Somehow, I cannot wait to get out of here and leave all this crazy *wink wink* things behind, travel as far as I can and start a new life somewhere that I can start all over.

So Spring - we'll be meeting after all yeah? :) wait for me, we'll watch the first flower blooms beautifully beneath all the melting snow.

i wonder why

2011-10-31T19:50:00.000-07:00

out of all things, the post below this post managed to be published, out of all the drafts that I've wasted my time on.

And on an another note, it wasn't even a draft. For the first time after such a long hiatus from the blogging world, I finally posted up one post - which it wasn't about me at all.

So what was that supposed to mean? Maybe it is a sign of "revelation" that I should move on or something. Or maybe; it is a sign that I should make another move to try - to take the risk and start over again.

I don't know what to think sometimes; about what I've been going through so far. There are things that I've enjoyed here, and some even memorable and hard to forget, even if it was a small series of events. There are things that I wanted to avoid from repeating the same mistakes. There are some things that are remembered and laid forgotten after some time; which I sometimes tried to remember, but somehow - I failed.

There are so many things happening while I'm not writing here. Maybe I'll write by and by - as a remembrance, or probably just a reminiscence and going down the memory lane. Don't expect more post in a short time because sometimes - even writing can be a painful activity.

Once you write down what you experienced in your life, there will be time that you'll be crying over the things that you've written. It doesn't happen everytime - but believe me, they do happen. When you write, you'll be dealing with lots and lots of truth - some are sweet and some are bitter. But writing is a good therapy - and that's why I rather write than talk; at times.

So, what have I been up to? Well, just about the basics - stressing over midterms, rushing the deadline of assignments, coping up with the hectic lifestyle of a university student, learning new lessons each day... nothing new to me.

However, being a first year degree student in Biotechnology really gives me a wake up call that I'm no longer having so much time for everything anymore. It's not that I'm not having fun or what - just that 24 hours isn't enough for me anymore (kinda ouch for me, since I've just learned time management during Study Skills classes last week), unlike when I was still a Foundation In Science student. It's the 7th week of lectures now - time flies faster than I imagine.

Talking about being a Biotechnology student in UMS ;) no other universities that offered 3-year duration for this course. Which means - we have to study harder in order to get superb results in such a short period of time hahaha! XD

There is still one question remains though, up to this day. I couldn't stop thinking about it.

"Do I even meant to be here? What am I even doing here?"

I wanted to comment more on this, but I'll just keep it low for now. It's not the best time for me yet to write about the statement above. Someday, when I finally got the answer.

I don't exactly have a clue why I finally came here today to write something, but there is a part of me that feels relieved after so long; it finally can rest to a long sleep.

because i'm going to be there; someday

2011-10-31T16:01:00.000-07:00

If this young boy is here, to chase him around is a must. Why?

1. This boy is not here.
2. This boy is living overseas now.
3. This boy is doing the course that I wanted; since I was young enough to learn.
4. This boy is doing the course that I wanted in the university that I've been targeting for so long.

I have so much reasons to list down, but for now I'm just going to post up some :p

Talking about luck and the touch of God's work.

But it's okay now. Everything's going on smooth :)

If I have the chance, next spring friend - we're going to meet up yeah? Show me around. But for now, thanks so much for tagging me in this picture, now I'm going to moan around and saying out loud how jealous I am.

p/s: Congratulations to Deflie (the boy in the picture - my Foundation In Science friend) and Verline (my old school friend) for doing Medical Degree in KSMU :D

HELLO MAGICAL PEOPLE I'M BACK

2011-06-20T19:39:00.000-07:00

yes people be prepared.
the beech is back ;)

i hazzz some cockroachezzz in my platazzz ohzzz shizzznittazzz

2011-03-22T19:09:00.000-07:00

Whenever I'm bored and needed a quick entertainment for myself, I'll head here. Well, since it's one of those things that can keep me sane at times when I don't have anything to do.

Which reminds me. If I'm acting like a drifter for a week, what will become of me for the next four months when my foundation's over. I might be worse than a drifter. Like those three (no, wait. almost FIVE) LOOONG months of holidays that I had back in 2009-2010.

Ugh. Not worthy to remember it again :/ But there were good times, so...

Forget it.

Back to the topic, I haven't really updated myself this few days. Well, except for this (let me just gather my activities in numerical form yeah?):

1. Wandering around Facebook like an invisible zombie, being a chef in Cafe World and played Diner Dash. Em, nice to see you again Flo?

2. I did some readings, just to keep myself light-entertained. I tried to pick up from where I stopped reading last time (failed miserably, because I reread almost everything from the start). It's really a waste if time not to go Popular Book Fest because that was one of those rare times you could see books being discounted up to 70%. Which means, you don't even break RM50 for more than 6 books. Too good bargains :/ And I need new books to read too.

3. I bring Maryanne outside of her safety zone so many times and it actually makes me happy :) I've sent my younger sister to school and it actually makes my dad's day better by not thinking of sending her youngest daughter to school. And I've been driving alone (and better!) these days. Less pressure and sweat. Thanks to Maryanne ♥

4. Trying to confirm about what to buy this week. Trying to buy things out from ordinary. Anyways, let's just see what happens.

5. Sleeping like a dead log. Not a good thing. But you all see la once I get back to UMS. I'll be awake for the next 24 hours everyday. So again, I'm not complaining. It's holiday, after all.

Other than that. I'm just telling you a few things.

Mum can be very blunt sometimes.

Just because I have Bugis friends.

That she accused me of being a Bugis in making.

UNFAIR MUM. UNFAIR.

Because when I tried to talk like a Dusun.

You all mocked me like there's no tomorrow.

But when I started to speak like a Bugis.

You will mock me. Again.

What is this abomination oh.

And for no reason, I thought about Vampire Knight.

THIS IS SUCH AN OMG.

I knew reading Wanted would bring me no good.

Bad idea XD

But still. Reading and watching anime made you feel good. Sometimes, when no one's looking.

Good luck SPM leavers for tomorrow. You know what's happening right?

tomorrow is going to be very scary

2011-03-17T20:44:00.000-07:00

I'M GOING TO RIDE ON MARYANNE. ALONE.

I cannot believe this. I'm not ready yet, to be frankly honest.

And I'm going to do it for the first time. Alone, with no dad or mum on my side.

When mum decided that I should go back home riding Maryanne, I have too much emotions running at the same time.

Happy because parents finally believe that I can do it alone, scared because I might get lost or worse; involved in a bad situation if I don't pay attention.

But for the sake of fighting my own fears, I'll do it. I DO NOT FREAKING CARE IF YOU CALL ME SLOW WHEN I'M ON THE ROAD. YOU SHALL SHUT UP BECAUSE I HAVE STICKERS STICKING ON MY WINDOWS SHOWING THAT I'M A NOOB. I ADMIT I'M STILL A NOOB, WHAT MORE CAN I SAY?

By the way, did I tell you that I'm calling the big black 'beetle' Maryanne? :)

because i told you so

2011-03-16T19:20:00.000-07:00

My day had been good. Not so good as I hoped, but it all turned out okay :)

My skills today had been better than yesterday. Plus; I don't do any unforgivable mistakes this time. I did do a few faults on the braking part, but that was about it... I think?

And I even had a pretty good lunch with Amy, Cassey, Vianne and Jenni :D

Not counting, the enough rest for my afternoon nap. Mind you, I don't have a proper afternoon nap for the last few days because I keep on spending my afternoon time in the library, studying my ass off.

The only thing that I didn't seem to understand was this. How could my Biology midterm marks could be that... low?

And this: I got 27/30 for my English midterm exam when I know I could get full mark for it :/ if I read the questions thoroughly and answered them carefully.

The two subjects that I love disappointed me a bit today. Maybe I was overreacting about my results, or maybe I was just being paranoid.

OR. I was too confident that I could get one of the best marks in class, I don't know.

Oh wells. We can't get too much in this world, can we?

But whatever it is, my day is good :) and tomorrow is the last paper.

You know what that means?

HOLIDAY FOR A WEEK WOOHOO!

to those who wants to be a passenger while i'm driving,

2011-03-15T22:05:00.000-07:00

you can't. Not now, not just yet.

Because I tend to have panic attacks when I'm driving.

Because I tend to feel nervous, okay. If only I can pull my heart out when I'm driving so I don't feel anything.

Because I tend to have to have sweaty hands. In fact; I'm sweating all over when I drove just now.

Because I tend to go against the rules. Tell me; who the heck would go against the flow of the roundabout?

Because I tend to forget everything when I'm on the road. It's like. I'm in my own world when I'm driving.

Because I almost got hit by a blue bus. THE BIG SCARY BUS.

BECAUSE I'M JUST. WELL. I AM A LOUSY PROBATION DRIVER. THIS IS UNACCEPTABLE ABOMINATION OH WHY AM I SUCH A DUMBO IN DRIVING I SHOULDN'T HAVE TAKE ANY DRIVING LESSONS WTF

So yeah. If I can't even assure myself that I'm safe when I'm driving, how can I assure your safety when you're my passenger?

this is the day for me to be happy all the day

2011-03-15T11:57:00.000-07:00

because I could answer most of Biology questions without any I-want-to-bang-my-head-on-the-wall-for-my-own-stupidity feeling.

because English paper is tomorrow, meaning no Maths paper OH YEAHHH

because Taylor Swift and Adam Young songs keep ringing in my head

because I'm going to 1B tomorrow for a bowling game, together with usrah

because the thing that I've waited is coming

because I managed to finish up paperworks in one day

because midterm holidays start on Thursday evening after Physics paper is over

because BTN is in one month, and field trip is confirmed - SANDAKAN YOU WAIT LA

because our fate have crossed again today :)

because I've eaten my lunch

because I'm just as awesome as I can get BAHAHAHAHAHA

so don't try to ruin my day.

OR ELSE. I'M WARNING YOU.

okay; so maybe i'm being a hypocrite at times

2011-03-14T19:58:00.000-07:00

Just because I remembered some things that I used to wish when I was younger.

The wishes that I couldn't possibly make it happen.

The wishes that I couldn't possibly look again. Like, for the time being.

~~I used to say I wanted to study abroad if I had a bombastic results, which I screwed up really bad.~~

~~I used to say that I'm going overseas to study medical even if it kills me.~~

~~I used to wish those big things, until I failed to do so.~~

The truth is; I keep on saying about wanting to do this and that and blah blah blah, but I do NOTHING to make it happen. In fact; I know I won't get anything without giving any effort to make wishes come true. Life doesn't come with that way of doing things - where you can simply find a four-leaf clover and your luck is there.

I like it here, being one of the first batch of Foundation in Science UMS. Honestly speaking, it changes many sides that I cannot change back when I was in high school. I learn so much about other things that I've never discovered before. I found my long lost passion in Biology, I begin to accept Physics and Maths, learn to like Chemistry, and want to be the best in English. I've met so many kinds of people that make me feel more open towards the others and even myself.

But then.

When the subject of studying abroad is being brought up again.

During English.

I honestly don't know what to say.

I know I shouldn't be thinking about other things anymore. Because I am guaranteed to be here, just that I don't know which course I'm going to.

I do know what I want.

I know where my sense of direction is, at least.

I do have things in mind about what I want to do if I ever graduate in the next few years.

But then, it feels like I'm stepping back a few steps behind to see what would happen if I ever get to study abroad.

But yeah, Biology distracts my attention to this issue. So maybe that's a good thing.

And probably other things that I might get soon - after waiting for sooo long ;)

BUT DON'T EXPECT ME TO FORGET THIS THING EASILY.

because once I remember it, it's not easy to erase it off my mind just like that.

p/s: i actually love this new blogger feature :) well, let's just say it's not annoying as always hehehe

just for information before looking to chemistry again

2011-03-13T22:04:00.000-07:00

JAPAN - BEFORE AND AFTER

Looking at the pictures

Makes me want to -

I can't even describe a word about this

Such a reality check :'(

you take my breath away from me

2011-03-13T14:45:00.000-07:00

Why can't I just get a tumblr account of my own and spam to my heart's content there.

So here goes peeps:

Midterm's tomorrow.

Midterm holidays for a week.

BTN camp is unconfirmed.

Field trips after holidays. And reports.

MUET exam in less than a month.

Biology presentation is coming.

More and more and MORE homeworks are waiting.

Choosing a course - which is left hanging.

~~Final exam for this foundation is drawing near.~~

Asasi Sains will be finishing in less than 3 months.

No plans for another 3 months of long holidays.

First year intake in September - which I doubt I'll be getting my first course pick.

I've just dug my own grave. Don't I?

Wish me luck.

papa please forgive me for my wrongdoings

2011-03-13T07:58:00.000-07:00

good morning people! :) okay, waking during the wee hours of morning isn't really my thing i basically have the complications of waking up early.

to add to my head start of the day, i'm actually listening to a sad-ass love song now. this isn't too good for preparing myself to study chemistry.

which reminds me. i'm having my midterm tomorrow, and i'm still fishing out information on other stuffs rather than being all nerd up with my notes HAHAHAHAHAHAHA

it's okay :P after all, i would love to materialize up my posts so that they become readable. i have to admit, i was a noob in blogging when i was younger okay? (WHEN I WAS YOUNGER)

so, before i leave...

THIS. will be in my hand soon - if i have the money ;)

one man's meat is another man's poison

2011-03-12T23:49:00.000-08:00

One;

If you don't want to learn in class and choose to play fool, fine. Go on, do whatever the heck you want to do. But please. Learn how to respect those who choose to learn during their lessons.

Two;

Mirror yourself before judging others. No offence, but really? You want the truth? You're worse than your Facebook statuses. Sure, personality matters. But, do they know the real you? Although I don't really know the inside of you, remember this; I know something about you that the others don't.

Three;

Thank you for talking again :) thinking about it back, we were wearing the same colour on the day you started the conversation (that's random, but still). It was a little bit awkward, but at least. The not-talking-to-each-other season is over.

Four;

Should I or should I not?

Five;

Almost everything that we do needs commitment. It doesn't matter about what kind of things we're doing - being a father, being a boss, being a manager, being a worker. Everything needs commitment. When we have commitment issues, we procrastinate. That's why things always get messy when we don't commit to the things we're doing.

Six;

GRADES DO MATTER TO ME NOW. Thank you for keeping me back on track, to wake me up from the long sleep of mine and remind me that grades do matter and studying more will make my grades to be perfect. I missed the old me, the lost me - where I used to care about my marks more than anything. I missed the scoldings that I received from mom when I didn't get 100% for my papers. I... actually missed that moments :(

Seven;

To the kids who desperately want to grow up, be patient. Your time will come. Make your childhood times as memorable as they can. It doesn't matter if you play dirt in the mud with your neighbours or brushing Barbie's hair or trying to climb the uppermost part of the tree. Do it. Because when you grow up, things will change. No one will bother to kiss your bleeding knee and spread some Dettol on it, or befriend you regardless of what skin colour and race you are. So, treasure it. Even if you will cry most of the time during your childhood, remember. When you grow up, mostly it'll be tears of sadness and not for the sake of innocence of a child. I'm not trying to scare you, but that's the reality.

Eight;

I miss reading the al-Quran. Now that I have a tafsir, I would like to improvise on my Quran reading skills :)

That's all folks :D have a good night.

it's another God's test to test our iman

2011-03-04T18:45:00.000-08:00

"We'll see things that we shouldn't have to see, but listen up, we'll do it together. We'll be together, and we'll all come back together." - Michael J. Fox

Remember the tsunami that hit Indonesia back in 2004?

Now another tsunami had strike, and this time it happened in Japan.

Let us gather together as one nation, regardless of what religion you are, to pray for the Japanese and the neighbouring countries of Japan who are in for the tsunami alert for their safety. They are in desperate needs for every help that they can get so they can hold on to this fearful disaster.

To those who are deceased, may your soul rest in peace.

To the families who are affected, stay strong and all our prayers are with you.

To the communities of Japan, may you found your strength to bear this disaster and try rebuilding everything. Amin Ya Allah, Ya Rabbal Alamin...

Another earthquake and tsunami had occurred. These are another signs that tell us that the end of the world is near... The small signs had already been shown, and at the same time the big signs of Apocalypse are drawing near. Wallahualam when is the end of the world will come, and yet. I haven't done anything to prepare myself for this :(

Ya Allah, your sinful slave is asking for Your forgiveness, for all the sinful things that I've done. For the prayers that I haven't done for the past years, and for all mistakes that I made before. Astaghfirullah, I ask forgiveness from Allah S.W.T...

Stay strong Japan.

Inna Lillahi Wainna Ilaihi Rajiuun - "Sesungguhnya kami milik Allah dan kepada-Nya kami akan kembali (pada hari kiamat). Ya Allah! Berilah pahala kepadaku dan gantilah aku dengan yang lebih baik (dari musibahku).."

P/S: First post of 2011. Never expected that my first post this year would be religious :) Alhamdulillah, I've worn hijab since 2010 and now I hope to complete the 5 times prayer a day.

don't want an ending

2010-12-10T23:13:00.000-08:00

you know how when you see something that is very unexpected; it just gives you the indescribable feelings, which is full of emotions? it's like, you've been thrown with a bucket of cold-ice water but at the same time being burnt with a very hot flame? okay, i'm bad at giving out metaphores - but yeah, your emotions are running up high and going down low without PMS or anything of that sort.

guess what. that's what i'm feeling now.

there's so much for me to bear lately. in a week, there's so many things that i've found out - and most of them give me a bad vibe :( i may look normal on the outside, but to be honest; i've been keeping lots of things that may make me tear up at the most unexpected time of the moment.

i'm telling you, don't involve science in this because it's not about hormones. it's about me, struggling with the darker side of my personalities.

do you how hard it is to face people everyday like usual when you know you're feeling despair inside?
do you know how hard it is to face the person that you used to talk and tease everyday and now for no sudden reason, you both have been acting like strangers?
do you know how hard it is to face a sudden fact that may change your options forever?
do you know how hard it is to control your jealousy?

i don't want this post to be emo. but i supposed; when you really need a place to lash out some of your unspoken words, something like this will come out.

but still, i have to admit i do have some good times this week :)

if you think that i'm still in the unforgiving mood, yes. but somehow i've been thinking; isn't it the best solution if both of us sit together and talk about it, rather than not saying hello even if you're only a step away from me?

the problem is; i don't have the courage yet.

still, listening to taylor swift's back to december hits me at one point that somebody has to open up and start talking - in other words, forget the ego.

being a human is hard after all you know.

p/s: my mp4 player is back, and i'm elated about it :D:D yeayuhhhh
and oh, i have to start studying now or i won't get my pointer target gahhhh
btw, malaysian studies was awesome, except the midterm exam part. macam buduuu

this is very hard to admit but

2010-12-09T17:19:00.000-08:00

reality is; there's really no US.

but still.

i missed the way we used to be.

fall from grace

2010-12-09T00:20:00.000-08:00

i'm so in the mood to blog something now, so pardon me for the long post ;)

i practically liked the day today - except for the malaysian studies nightclass, unfinished biology assignment and the maths test that i technically detested. but otherwise, i kinda liked today for some reasons :)

one; because i tripped. TWICE, i'm telling you - just because i wore a goddamned high heels today D: once, i almost (ALMOST) fell when i was going down from the bus to SST. but thank god la no one saw (or maybe even realized) that i almost knocked myself down. the second part was worse. I REALLY TRIPPED BECAUSE OF MY OWN STUPIDITY. oh god, you don't know how embarassed i was when the others saw me falling.

and it happened veryyy slowly, like a movie going in a slow motion.

the more embarassing-yet-funny part kan, i blamed cassey for everything XD so kasian this she, i practically yelled at her when she was being nice to ask me to go to the other way when i preferred to walk on the narrower side of the stairs. WITH HEELS, buduuu ohhh. good la people got my good nature today, because i couldn't help laughing along with them - of my own stupidity. i admitted also ba in the end when me and cassey eventually subsided the whole laughing part.

god these people i tell you ;) one of the craziest group of classmates i've ever known. i cannot ask for more than this piece of memory to keep you know. but still. EMBARASSING BA PEOPLE.

two; mummeh made my dayyy :D:D when i saw her texts sent to me, i couldn't help smiling widely looking at them. oh mamma, she's practically being solemn to me - since i thanked her for paying up the broadband - but all the same, your texts really made my day oh mummy :D ♥

now and then i realized how much i missed home and the people inside it. i missed how much mamma mocked, scolded and warned for all scrapes that i've done, daddy debated with me about the latest news headlines and telling us numerous stories about his past, wawan and bibi for being my supporters and "secret boxes" for some issues, and my sista for being a sidekick of mine. and my GAY partner :D hahaha!

look what mamma sent to me this afternoon.

me;mamma

mak... tq sbb byr broadband ah hehe :D (mama... thanks for paying the broadband ah hehe :D)
brabis blajar kau jgn sibuk cri game/ lagu ja jgn sia2 kan pluang yg ada (study hard child, don't be too busy finding games or songs... don't miss out the chances you have to study there)
ya... hehe. i love you mak :D (yes, okay... hehe. i love you mama :D)
mana kau simpn resepi kek btik mama mau buat (where did you put the batik cake recipe, mama wants to do it)
sa ndak ingt d mna sa ltak tu... yg pntg, dia d blik sa jg tu... sa ingt jg ba resepi dia, nnt sa bg dia pnya resepi (i don't remember where did i put the recipe... it was in my room, i remember the recipe, i'll give it to you later)
ba (okay)

funny baaa, i said i love you - and she asked for batik cake recipe :) but then, thinking about it back, i felt like tearing up. okay, emotional moments alright? :') and daddy called me shortly after that! :D he asked about my day, and reloaded me with credits, which i looove so much ♥ so good ohhhh, they're like the BEST parents i've ever had you know!

ONE FINE DAY, I PROMISE.

okay. moving on, before i start to tear up in front of the screen.

three; OH MA GEE, CASSEY ASHLEY WILL BE BACK IN KK! ftw yeah, booyah! :D do i need to say more? we have a lot of catching up to do! and guess what, we're going to the first outing together this saturday to HOBBYCON woohoo! i cannot imagine oh meeting after sooo long, must be crazy la all of us this XD oh, and val too! movies day for us, anybody? ;)

four; sam tsui songs. too awesome for this pair of ears to hear hehe :) hear thisss.

nice nice nice nice nice. I LOVE YOU SAMUEL TSUI

by the way. i'm sorry for behaving like a bastard to you.

but then, if only you realized that i'm expecting the same effort from you in this friendship - i hope you understand. knowing you really made me open up to some of denials and also introduced me to some of the flaws that i've never seen before. how do expect me not to act cold to you when you're not even saying anything to me - at least a simple hello?

what if i make those things to you? well, i am now, but it wasn't my intention at all. it comes naturally, as a girl.

but really, i'm very very sorry.

p/s: eff math test. lots of wtf questions. goodbye medical school :(

because we're NOT so perfect two

2010-11-21T19:49:00.000-08:00

Dear Boy,

Don't mess with a girl's heart, okay?

You never know what kind of shit you'll be getting from ME when I get really mad at YOU.

some days i really like you... but there are some days i want to push you in front of a bus

2010-11-06T23:42:00.000-07:00

i took this quiz from here.
and guess what i got?

Your view on yourself:

Other people find you very interesting, but you are really hiding your true self. Your friends love you because you are a good listener. They'll probably still love you if you learn to be yourself with them.

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:

You are a true romantic. When you are in love, you will do anything and everything to keep your love true.

Your readiness to commit to a relationship:

You are ready to commit as soon as you meet the right person. And you believe you will pretty much know as soon as you might that person.

The seriousness of your love:

Your have very sensible tactics when approaching the opposite sex. In many ways people find your straightforwardness attractive, so you will find yourself with plenty of dates.

Your views on education:

Education is very important in life. You want to study hard and learn as much as you can.

The right job for you:

You're a practical person and will choose a secure job with a steady income. Knowing what you like to do is important. Find a regular job doing just that and you'll be set for life.

How do you view success:

You are confident that you will be successful in your chosen career and nothing will stop you from trying.

What are you most afraid of:

You are afraid of things that you cannot control. Sometimes you show your anger to cover up how you feel.

Who is your true self:

You are full of energy and confidence. You are unpredictable, with moods changing as quickly as an ocean. You might occasionally be calm and still, but never for long.

morofago alagogofal meereda

2010-11-06T17:27:00.000-07:00

i just realized how much all the blogskins suck when they're viewed in IE.

seriously IE. no mercy oh you for those awesome blogskins :(

oh well, have to stick with this web browser then before i install google chrome later on ;) HAHA.

anyways, i haven't start revising yet for midterm exam. DIE LA, pfft.

hey failed marks, here i come.

my aim of getting a flat for this new semester is going down, i can feel it. NOTE THIS: sometimes, i'm not trying to demotivate myself or EVEN trying to shake off the nervousness of not doing the best during the exam. it's just that - i can feel it coming, and it always happens to me :(

people keep on saying kan, "i haven't done any revisions. i'm sure you do." when they actually DO theirs. unlike me, when i say i don't - I MEAN IT. to prove it, fine. let's wait for physics and biology results to come out then.

since last time, when i hear people say, "my grades are not good enough." when CLEARLY, their grades are FAR BETTER than mine, ISH. how do you think you would react when you see mine? will you say that again? minta kena tumbuk oh.

so yeah. i'm gonna study my ass off this whole week and set a new record on my grade paper. i wanna make sure chemistry, malaysian studies, maths and english hit at least an A minus. i'm gonna make the lecturers proud. if i cannot hit a flat for midterm, i can still hit a flat for finals. then i can go on with chasing my dream to become a doctor ;)

but still.

can i pretend that i've never taken any of those bloody subjects? especially physics, which i hate so damn much since i've learnt them in form 4? can i pretend that i've never dreamed of becoming a doctor before? can i pretend that i love arts, even though i'm not creative enough to be in arts department? seriously, i'm tired of trying and yet the results come out beyond my expectations.

true oh the last picture. but then, if you continue on being ignorant and oblivious.

fine then, you'll lose me. and their dreams will be shattered.

because behind this smile; hides the pain you'll never understand

2010-11-06T16:22:00.000-07:00

SOMETIMES, I DO WONDER:

1. how the little things in life can change your whole perspective about an issue.

2. how a person that you know for a short time can make the biggest impact; possibly, change an aspect in your life - FOREVER.

3. how can you love person today, and you won't feel the same thing again tomorrow. or maybe the next - just because the fire dies. or simply; "just because".

4. how our dreams can be crushed by our own mistakes. well; REALITY BITES. and you cannot get everything that you want in this world.

5. how you thought things supposed to be happening this way; and in the end, the epilogue isn't going as the way it should be. reality isn't like a film, you can plan but you cannot expect everything to go smooth like you hope it should be.

i'm not searching for answers for the time being ;) i'm just pointing the notes out that have been circling on my mind lately.

well; as you see - it's been a long time since i haven't post up anything, practically since august. when people keep posting up about their daily routines, random rants, pictures and stories behind them or just simple thoughts about life - i've been keeping all of those things to myself.

for the past few months, i've been logging in and out of blogger since my last post. i've tried a numberless of times to write something during those times, but somehow - i failed. i don't know why.

i remembered, when i was younger i could write 3 posts in one day. 3 effing posts that contained nothing (i mean, they were nothing much in those posts; just some random thoughts that i had to let them out haha) when i read them back, i couldn't believe i could write that much.

now, even with lots of exciting stuffs - i can't simply write like i used to. it SUCKS la when i cannot do that anymore :( now kan, i cannot even write about the awesome friends that i've met in UMS, ~~new~~ ~~crushes~~ *wink wink*, my dorm life and all stuffs about us in UMS. and i cannot even write about how much do i miss my old friends who are away.

ISH, shit oh. it sucks growing up sometimes :/

but then, if i don't grow up - i will NEVER, ever meet the people that i've been hanging out now :) and the best part - i'll never get to wear a REAL lab coat XD

i know this is going to be a good start ahead for me to start writing again :D

well well well people.

I'M BACK, BOO YAH! :)

(yeah, remind me to change the blogskin later on ;D)

please be good to me

2010-08-16T12:52:00.000-07:00

to be honest.

life in university is tiring me out.
it's not about the stress i've been handling for so long.
it's not about the other things that i can't handle.
and it's not even about the thoughts that keep on strangling me from the inside.

and now; i'm doubting myself whether i can stick to my dreams now :(

it needs some time, really

2010-07-26T03:22:00.000-07:00

OH MY GOD.
OH MY GOD.
OH MY GOD.
OH MY GOD.
OH MY GOD.

I PROMISE I'LL UPDATE SOOOOON!!! :)

oh there you go, after two months of disappearing from the blogging world.
guess who's back? :D

just wait la for my super duper ever long post. heehee :)

don't tell me that the sky is my limit when there are footprints on the moon

2010-05-13T12:42:00.000-07:00

OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG.

if i stay on being like this for another week.

i think i need to call the mental asylum to book a place for myself.

BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. booyah! :D

because you took my heart away, i'm all yours to keep

2010-05-10T14:31:00.000-07:00

i don't have the passion to write anything on my blog yet.

but still, i can't just leave my blog from being empty and dead.
so now, here i am; inside UMS's library (or specifically, mega lab) with a hell of an internet connection - trying to write what is circling on my mind right now.

so basically *clearing throat* i'm a pre-u student in UMS now. EHEM EHEM. surprise surprise ;]
i meant to write down how my orientation week was (which was AWESOMELY.FUN :D) but as you see - it's maybe about laziness or i just don't have the feeling to write yet.

aish. the inner me :/ maybe when i have the passion to write next time, i'll be posting a super, super LONG post.
okay? pinky promise :)

how stupid can a person gets?

2010-04-24T11:00:00.000-07:00

I KEPT THINKING THAT TODAY WAS FRIDAY.

until.

i realised that the nanny's marathon is on the tv today :)

take a bow, everyone; the drama is over.

2010-04-21T14:14:00.000-07:00

maybe you're not as good as i thought of all these while.

shame on me for judging you too soon.

don't worry, good things will come to those who wait

2010-04-20T19:31:00.000-07:00

BUMPER CARS ARE AWESOME.

PLAYING DDR IS AWESOME.

WATCHING A NOT-SO HORROR MOVIE WITH FRIENDS IS AWESOME.

I SHOULD INCLUDE BUMPER CARS ON MY WISHLIST NOW :)

by the way, i got to know that i'll be checking in to UMS on the 4th of May.
it's too late now to ask myself whether i'm ready for this or not; because. just because.

paddle pop, paddle pop; super super yummy

2010-04-19T14:43:00.000-07:00

i like april, you know that?

i really really really DO like april.
did i mention that i like april?

I LIKE APRIL.

1. but that can't never stop me from hating facebook for giving such a big trouble to me. for one reason, the facebook chat is not working. AT ALL. like oh my god, no wonder my facebook takes a really, really long time to load because people keep on sending me messages on the facebook chat, without me knowing because the facebook chat doesn't pop up like the way it supposed to be.

2. so yeah, if you want to chat with me or something. pick up your phone and call me, or sms me because it costs cheaper :) don't be mad at me, blame facebook for being such a horrible bitch. you're considered lucky if you find me onlining or just wandering aorund in msn because yeah - after all, i'm not really the chit-chat type of person. that part; yeah, shame on me for being lame.

3. i finally got my P license, in other words; my driving license! :D i passed my JPJ test (like finally) on 11th of april ago, and had my license sent straight in front of my house two days after that, courtesy of my tutor - aunty mary chin. i'm going to miss all her teachings though, and aunty rosalyn also - because she spends me half of my time when i was with her :( emo alert people ;]

4. don't use a number 4 car for JPJ, if any of you take your driving lessons in KMK. cursed car, one of them.

5. don't use a number 5 car either. one of the candidates got a 'kandas' the other day because the car got technical problem. laugh la you all when you see this fact; saying that i'm superstitious. don't blame me when you get a 'kandas' later on, padan muka.

6. i love writing craps. it's just that i don't know how to translate it here everytime i log in my dashboard because there's too much when i start to type almost about... everything (?). this is what become of me when i'm unemployed, and still waiting for UPU and other applications accepted.

7. don't worry though; i have asasi sains in UMS already :) good thing is, the vice chancellor himself will be giving me the acceptance letter in a ceremony on the 26th of april in UMS. well, since the asasi thingy in UMS is new... so yeah. make yourself understand. faham faham la.

8. do not use number 8 for JPJ either, again if you're a candidate from KMK. this freaky car caused me to have a 'kandas' because the brake isn't working well. or was it the clutch? whatever, as long as you don't use number 4,5 and 8 - you're safe.

9. use number 9 car :) but be careful on the hand brake because it doesn't come up easily when you pull it. the best thing is; use numberless kancil or something. yeah - cars with numbers tend to have weird things going on with them. so yeah - USE NUMBERLESS CARS.

10. i still like april though :D

11. ~~the only reason i like facebook is well... uh. YOU.~~ CRAP. cut that.

12. i want gadgets, since my old gadgets are well. OLD. the best word to describe them. mum and dad, alert on this - since both of you still owe me on old debts. gosh, that makes me feel so old.

13. I STILL SUCK IN DRIVING CARS. hahahahahahaha XD what? you think easy ka to bring the car on the road when you're still noob at it? SUCK THAT, heh :p but i still love driving anyways, especially when you're speeding on the road using the 4th or 5th gear with the windows open. best feeling in the world, i bet. minus, with mum beside me because she tends to squeal on her top of her lungs when i almost hit a car or something. CALM DOWN, MUM. oh my god.

14. i want a theme park to be built in sabah someday, just like genting highlands. one reason; i want a roller coaster ride, again *wink wink* OR at least, make shopping malls in KK look interesting. okay, maybe i'm deprived because KL people get moost of the best things. but i can't help wondering why can't we have at least an ice rink or kinokuniya in KK. even 1B doesn't look as interesting nowadays, except for DDR.

15. I WANT A DDR MACHINE. DID YOU HEAR THAT, WORLD? DDR MACHINE, AND I'LL BE THE HAPPIEST GIRL ALIVE. if i have to die tomorrow, just bring me a DDR machine and i'll die peacefully the next day :)

16. i still want to be a doctor though. and i'm going to study oversea... someday.

17. I LIKE YOU. you, you and only you :)

18. i can't believe we're going to be halfway to midyear. and that means, everyone's gonna leave soon :( sad oh.

19. one of the most annoying things that i've ever experienced is getting phone calls from an unknown number. in my case, two numbers. these two niumbers have been pestering me a few weeks to SPM back in 2009, and i said clearly that don't call my number again because they were looking for the wrong person. the first number called me (back in 2009) more than 100 times - asking why was i holding his ex-wife phone number. like, omg i said "but i'm not even married yet." and in the end, he asked whether i was married or not. LIKE, DIDN'T YOU HEAR WHAT WAS I TALKING ABOUT EARLIER??? i'm not married ba, budu. I'M SINGLE. are you cursing me or what oh? if so, then you're cursing the wrong person. the second number was a hotlink or maxis - asking for the same person again. like, are you serious? I'M NOT THE ONE YOU'RE LOOKING FOR BAH.

20. and just last week, guess who who strikes again? THE HELL SAME NUMBER. and this time, both numbers called me and messaged me with lots of freaky texts, saying that my son would be having his trial tomorrow at the court, and if i don't come, means i'm in tawau. i was like, SHIT PUNYA ORANG. i'm 18, single and still studying. ARE YOU MOTHERFUCKING SERIOUS? STOP IT LA. thank god, in the end - it was satmit and constance who saved me, and they made the numbers promised to NOT call me again. aish, technology - you hate to see people happy with their lives, right?

21. I STILL LOVE APRIL THOUGH, whatever happens :)

22. sometimes, i think i have too much ice cream. look what oreo mcflurry has done to me XD i still like ice cream though, the best comfort food ever. EVER.

23. mum will never let me to follow the family to go KL and Terengganu. that's unfair mum, doesn't mean i went to KL last february with my friends, i have enough of it. i haven't been to 1Utama yet, or Sunway Pyramid. and you all will be there for a week, our journey last february only lasted for 5 days D: and how could you, wanna left me behind when i'm your first child, your first daughter? that's just freaking unfair mum.

24. my youngest sister is behaving like a diva these days. oh my god, that brat. STOP IT LA. you think nice ka you treat your family like your own slaves huh? you think good ka you pissed of at daddy every single day just because he pick you up later than he promised you? he got work ba, ass. going to school at 11.30 isn't gonna kill you - i came to school last time at 12.00pm nothing also ba. AISH. and you think best la you shout at me in the morning because i'm the one who screams your name every morning to wake you up because you won't wake up yourself? STUPID GIT, i hope you're happy being 13 and the youngest in the family. GOD.

25. i wanna get out from this house soon. if i don't, i might register myself up in hospital mesra bukit padang. or, i might as well go BRITNEY.

26. i love long posts, especially when i don't update for a long, long time :D

27. i'm editting this post from here, at 6:18pm - because i'm not quite done yet with this post. i'm sorry for ranting here, but well - it's my blog, so... bear with it ;]

28. i'm still enjoying my new form of entertainment - war of the words on the internet. if you wanna enjoy the same thing as i do, rajin rajin la blogwalking... hehehe.

29. i missed high school. i missed being a franciscan. i missed all the stupid, crazy things we did when we were very young. to tell you the truth; i missed being a student. as in, a student dressed in weird uniforms :(

30. i cannot believe i used to like AF - akademi fantasia. like, when i think back kan, IT'S EMBARASSING. i have to admit i used to be a die-hard fan, but now. I HATE IT. ewww.

nevertheless, i still love april :)
i think i'm done, for now.

sometimes; you'll have to regret something when you're chasing for satisfaction

2010-04-11T23:57:00.000-07:00

i hope this will be my last time, though i can't shake these feelings off.

don't google yourself, you'll be surprised later on

2010-04-09T15:56:00.000-07:00

i should hire somebody to do that.
someday :D

anyways.

i have nothing much to blog about these days, since all i do is ~~keep rotting at home,~~ waiting for my university application got accepted OR i'll enrol myself to form 6. no really, i'm being serious.

how ironic it is, OUT OF ALL THINGS.

i've been blog-walking a lot these days.
and and and you'll never believe what i saw :D
~~god is going to kill me for this ;]~~

thanks to the technology of what you called THE INTERNET.

i love this penniless job you know.
it's a new form of entertainment. HAHAHAHAHA.

THIS IS NOT HAPPENING.

2010-04-04T22:10:00.000-07:00

~~my facebook is holding a grudge towards me.~~

~~oh my god.~~

~~sorry iva, our picture isn't showing itself in the album D:~~

it's official.

MY FACEBOOK IS BEHAVING LIKE A BITCH.

(updated on 9th april; 10:14 pm)

booyah booyah BOOOYAAAH!

2010-04-03T22:06:00.000-07:00

oh my god. this is crazy.

since i ignored my facebook account, i've been crazy updating my blog. this is what happened when you suddenly have the mood to write about something, even though it may be about something crappy or cliche. what the hell is wrong with me, i don't know either :D

haha, at least this time it's not about something emo, which is a good sign. i was shocked to see my previous few posts had been very emotional, and depressing. well, let's just say that i was having rough days at that point of time ;] but i can promise this; NO MORE EMO POST FROM ME, for now.

DAMN IT. THIS HAS TO STOP.

if only i could, i would :)

a letter from a daughter :D

2010-04-03T14:49:00.000-07:00

the things that you do when you and your younger sister are on high

2010-04-02T21:40:00.000-07:00

yeah, we both are retarded.
mum, we're sorry for being such a headache to you ;]

me;younger sis;mum

nini, kau pi cuci tu piring dulu.

bah, ma. rinaaa!!!

apa bah. *eating* kau ndak nampak ka orang tengah makan?

nampak la ba. kau pi cuci tu piring lepas kau makan.

eeeeesh. mama suruh kau ba, kaulah pi.

tapi kakak ndak makan.

jadi?

eee ba. yalah, yalah. cepat kau makan.

*10 minutes later*

nini, nini.

*annoyed* apa ba. orang mau pi cuci piring dulu.

*came closer* nini, ada benda ina mau tanya kau.

apa dia?

nanti la. kita cakap di bilik.

*dirty look* APA KAU NI RINA.

apa ba, orang mau tanya kau sesuatu.

pasal?

adalah.

pasal perempuan ni kan???

mana ada!

EEEEE. RINA GAYYY.

*shocked* OI. MANA ADA ORANG GAY.

RINA GAYYY DI SKUL. EEEEE MAKKK! RINA GAYYY.

*ignores us, keeps watching the tv* oi. diam diam ba kamu.

RINA GAYYY. YUCKKK. *goes to kitchen, laughing*

jahat oh kakak saya. tuduh tuduh orang gay. mak, tengok ba anak mama sorang tuuu.

*ignores her* emm...

mak ba. *annoyed*

HAHAHAHAHA. YEAH YEAH!

HAHAHAHAHAHA.
tu la she. who ask her to whisper at me.

*IN MY BEDROOM*

niniii.

apa. *looking at someone's tumblr*

kau pernah kena denda di skul dulu?

*dirty look* soalan apa kau tanya ni rina. mesti la ba. paluiii.

apa la denda dia?

banyakkk.

contoh ba budu.

ishhh. surat amaran... erm, lari keliling skul, cabut rumput -

CABUT RUMPUT? HAHAHAHAHAHAHA. NINI CABUT RUMPUT!!!

pukima punya budak. cabut rumput pun mau -

NINI CABUT RUMPUT!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

sial, mau mati awal kau ni kan rina.

HAHA. PCR PCR!

apa tu PCR?

"perempuan cabut rumput." HAHAHAHAHAHA!

aish. memang mau dikasi cili mulut kau ni rina.

stop callin, stop callin; i don't wanna talk anymore (via tumblr)

2010-04-02T11:58:00.000-07:00

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

so smart oh the dad tells the son.

HAHAHAHAHA.

paham-paham la ah.

bah people, april sudah.

2010-04-01T20:29:00.000-07:00

seriously those people out there.

kau tau apa maksud 'bersalah'?

shit oh you all. even though i don't get any pranks on april fool day, i still feel so fooled.
you want to know why?

because of you all la kan, i cannot mandi like a normal person.
i cannot makan like a normal person.
i cannot sleep like a normal person.

you think bagus ka you all tidak bayar bil air sendiri? budu ba.
selfish people. ish, sial oh you people.

jangan sampai saya siram pintu kau orang dengan cat merah. yerr.

these people are testing my patience. like, fucking seriously.
as much as i'm being patient for every stupidity, i cannot tolerate forever you know.

as much as i act like i don't give a fuck, i do.

2010-03-31T21:36:00.000-07:00

i realised.
i've been emo-ing the whole day :O

i avoid looking outside the windows.
i stay in my bedroom, in the dark - not drawing the curtains at all.
i don't answer calls.
i don't text back to people who message me.
i skip my meals.

wow.
i mean, i do feel down sometimes.
but this is way too chronic for me. i have to put a stop on this.

you said that just to cheer me up, but i can't hide my feelings.
anyway, thanks for being there.

shoo shoo emo, i need to get my life back. though i still can't smile sincerely.

it's alright, i do that too.

2010-03-31T12:13:00.000-07:00

it's just 12.04 pm now.

it's going to be a long, long day.

by the way.
i deleted my friendster account.

and

the cats next block are meow-ing loudly. and that; annoys me.

laugh at me, loser; because i laughed at you before.

2010-03-30T19:48:00.000-07:00

wow, my day. i fucked up my own day.

i fucked up my entire day actually. how is that supposed to happen?

yeah.
good question.
i'm not going to tell what happened, but i really messed up everything today.

~~guilty, talking about guilt.~~
~~i feel like ripping my heart out.~~
~~i don't even have the appetite to eat anything today.~~

what the fuck is going on, now that i cannot even type anything properly.

worse. for the first time after long, i have no mood to do anything.

someday, robots will cry

2010-03-29T22:16:00.000-07:00

Music: Tokio Hotel - Automatik
Mood: Scared

if i can sleep well tonight, that's a bonus.

if i can wake up tomorrow morning without choking up like a pregnant woman, that's lucky.

if ONLY i can have the arrogance of a kid; who rarely gets scared of a sucky situation, i wouldn't feel so shaky now.

aish.

it's not stalking; i'm just a little too curious

2010-03-29T09:20:00.000-07:00

Music: 4 Minute - Muzik
Mood: Quite good

i don't know why, but when i read everyone's past blog post, including mine - i got cracked up and laughed XD

so bad oh ;] but i couldn't resist my laughing. i laughed NOT at your grammar mistakes or what not, but simply because what we wrote in the past were...indescribable. i was amazed actually for some reasons. :D

and yeah, my dad again ba. no matter how much he got tired after being in a long hours of work kan, he still managed to make me laugh in the middle of the night :) i like it how my dad teases my mum, and i'll just laugh along the way.

teda teda ba.

i'll never be the same, if we ever meet again

2010-03-29T01:58:00.000-07:00

Music: Timbaland ft. Jojo - Lose Control
Mood: Mixed

it's not that i don't want to do this.
i just can't do it. i just can't.

don't ask why either; because i'm finding the answer myself.
maybe in this kind of thing, everything matters from a to z.

it sucks to be a grown-up sometimes :\
i wish i can make decision as i did when i was a little kid who didn't care whether the decision made was right or wrong.

although i have to say, it's tempting.
but i can't do it - maybe it's about dignity. i don't know either.

maybe seeing afifah on saturday off to plkn and realisation that hit me made me feel down a bit. okay, that's a lie - I ACTUALLY FEEL SAD.
i just couldn't tear up, that's all. aish.

i really wish reality doesn't bite that hard, sometimes.
i'm not good in handling farewell and goodbyes after all :'( aish.
and about the realisation. haih, i'm going to hell soon! D:

it matters. it really does.

2010-03-24T22:58:00.000-07:00

Music: Katharine McPhee - Had It All
Mood: Normal

my not-so-good day turned brighter today.

thanks to one, bloody, short message from somebody.

haha :)

still, i can't shake this feeling. the feeling of... stabbing someone?

whatever it is, today has been quite a good day for me.

and now, i can't wait for tomorrow coming :D

p/s: saya mau cupcakes oh. kalau kau ada, saya mau minta.

maybe it's time for you to come back where you belong

2010-03-23T20:37:00.000-07:00

Music: TVXQ - Break Out
Mood: Happy

talking about honesty and embarassment.
i'm not good at handling these issues ;]

thanks to you, and you, and you - i finally got the lesson.

oh yeah.
did i tell you that rain came down just now?
finally, a good news after a while.

it's funny when i try to lie, i just have to tell the truth in the end

2010-03-23T14:07:00.000-07:00

Music: Marie Digby - Avalanche
Mood: Hopeful :)

i'm not giving too much hope for anything that i've applied.
but i know, i'm doing the best i can to pursue my ambition.

after all, going back to school and meeting some of the teachers really made my day today :D

i did put a smile on teacher wilfred's face. thanks for the wish and the encouragement you gave me. i told you i will give you a nice grade for chemistry; B is not too shabby ba kan?

okay, maybe not puan sim. she was disappointed, and i told her that it was my own fault anyway; i didn't do too well in my lit. i'm sorry teacher, but thanks for the "she doesn't look like a student who gets D's for spm results" compliment ;]

cikgu aini helped me sign all of the certificate craps. thank you for making my day ever, since i don't have to knock on puan pang's door and ask for a sign. (no, lots of sign actually)

puan goh. thank you for your opinion today, it was surprisingly brilliant. no, it's true; she's being very good today and her usual snappy tongue isn't there.

teacher siska. thanks for being there and asked how was my day anyway. it was really nice of you :D

cikgu julin, lama ndak jumpa! tapi makasih banyak banyak sebab tanya khabar :) lupa pula oh cikgu bukan ckigu di convent lagi.

now that half of the things are settled, i'm just gonna sit down, take a deep breath and pray to god to give me another chance to get everything right.

i left my head and my heart on the dancefloor

2010-03-22T23:27:00.000-07:00

Music: Lady Gaga ft. Beyonce - Telephone
Mood: Not too good, but yeah.

MARCH IS DEFINITELY NOT MY MONTH.
although; i have to admit i get through of this shaky month in a smooth way.

talking about posting up things, i have to be honest; i don't feel too sincere to post up anything since i faced my super fugly spm results about 11 days ago. however, since i hate to see my blog being so empty and dead - i decided to put up some little things anyway.

probably for people to laugh at.

so yeah, go on and laugh at my plight. it will do you good, before i bite anyone's head off. seriously ;]

first off; my spm results. yep, super ugly. like, really bida tahap dewa. if i can burn the thing, i would. but since i still need it for placement to universities and scholarships (i hope, fingers crossed), i decided to keep it nice in my profile and never looked at it again.

pfft. i wish la.

things that i realized after getting my results though; it's not really as ugly as it seems after lots of times looking at it - considering that i was quite proud of my science subjects (exception to add maths, which i was lucky enough to get a freaking passed) since i could never passed my science subjects during school exams. it will do wilfred, cecelia and saw good, i did promise to them that i would get a nice grade for my science subjects :D

but then, i wished i got a better grade for my bm which was my best subject way back when i was in high school. i'm not kidding ba, it's true. ironicly, i got a better grade for my english, though both languages are my strength in my school exams and never failed to make my results looked very cantik last time :):)

oh teacher sim. you never tell me that the sense of irony is painful!
now i know how eric birling feels ;] if you know who i meant.

second thing kan; i failed at my best thing. god, that's worse oh, budu ni. how could i not estimate my jarak with a damn... zebra-coloured poles? shit. i could kill the person who asked me to get out of the car, but thanks to humanity issues - i spared his life. thank me for being nice. i could give a punch on your face if i want to.

third thing; where should i go after my fugly results. hmm, mom asks me to consider myself taking stpm, which is a big risk i'm taking if i am taking it later on. i don't really mind about taking another big exam next year - but i'm scared that i cannot commit myself to study my ass off to pay off my bad spm results. and i hate the fact that i have to stay at home for a longer time; which can make me go crazy anytime soon. nevermind, i'm gonna think about that later.

i might be staying in kk for good to continue my studies here, if i ever get the placement in ums for asasi sains, and then continue my degree in medical in the same university. for the sake of being a doctor, i don't care where i have to go - russia or malaysia, i just want to chase my dream and make it real :D

after all, mom promised me a car if i ever get myself to ums.
so yeah, my p license won't die off just like that XD

i feel a little bit relieved after typing things off my chest in here.
perhaps, forcing myself to write these craps is working after all :)

oh kerajaan, please be nice to me.

if i tell you, things would never be the same again

2010-03-10T01:20:00.000-08:00

Music : Zee Avi - Bitter Heart
Mood : Tired

_____________________________

okay people, it's official.

SPM RESULTS IS ON THURSDAY,

which is not so surprising, since people can find this one piece of news almost everywhere.

but what i cannot believe right, TODAY IS ALREADY WEDNESDAY.

and that means; the results will be out tomorrow.

i cannot believe this. it seems like, my 24 hours is not 24 hours anymore.

truth to be told, i am not ready yet to take it so soon.

and yeah, i don't know what to feel about this thing; either to be excited, or to be nervous - since i knew earlier i didn't do well during spm.

shit this.

oh yeah, by the way - i passed my qti test 17/20.

there are so many good things happening actually, but i am lazy to write about them. what people should know; I DRIVE DANGEROUSLY :) which makes me wonder how could i pass my qti, hahah XD

another thing; the hot weather is really getting into my head since i feel very dumb these days ;] but then, my flaws really make my days - sometimes. so yeah, i kinda proud of my own flaws.

p/s: i banyak merepek lately also. well, it's 1.12 am in the midnight! :D

romeo is being dumb

2010-03-07T17:18:00.000-08:00

Music : Livvi Franc - Automatik
Mood : Exhausted

_______________________________

after everything was over that night in my cousin's house, i suddenly realised something.

i missed the old times we used to have for each other, since people are getting busier these days for themselves.

the random talk, the laughter, and the sense of togetherness as a big family.

so yeah, i'll make up for my hipocracy last sunday by going back this thursday; after getting spm results until i have to go back kk again.

and this time, i'm going back with my own will.

i feel like i'm running through my memories lately. oh, shucks :(

shit happens

2010-03-06T15:18:00.000-08:00

Music : Lady Gaga ft. Beyonce - Telephone
Mood : Normal

_______________________________________

ISH. WHY BA.

the things in the house seriously have issues with me.

my family have issues with me.

even my stuffs have issues with me!

you people want me to get out from the house faster right?

fine, i'll go.

BUT BUT BUT, only after:

1. i have my driving license, after 19 march.

2. i have my results, 11 march.

3. i have my university application accepted.

4. i have what i want - the things you promised for so many years, mum and dad.

5. i cut my hair.

6. i have lots and lots of money ;]

and then, i'll go out from the house in peace.

are you bloody crazy, i want to leave the house with nothing? you want me to live like a tramp in the city?

budu la. it's hard being a human ba, people XD

the book i'm currently reading now

2010-03-02T01:21:00.000-08:00

island of lost girls, by jennifer mcmahon.

a killer book, worth to read :)

it gets on your nerves sometimes, when you're really into it - but hey, that's what i want from a good book.

i hate the washing machine, seriously ;]

2010-03-01T20:16:00.000-08:00

Music : Selena Gomez - Naturally
Mood : Relieved

________________________________

MARCH.

oh, i forget that Malaysia doesn't celebrate spring here.

i actually feel kinda good today; the fact that i lashed out here yesterday, my body is feeling like itself again, my driving skills are getting better and i smacked the washing machine once and it worked, FOR ONCE :D

yeah, the washing machine is holding a grudge against me XD whenever i try to drop my dirty laundry in and set the washing machine, it won't work at all. i have to smack and kick to force it to spin. so yeah, I HATE THE WASHING MACHINE. until this afternoon.

thanks anyway for washing my clothes, because i'm finishing my clean clothes faster :):)

i want my driving license faster, so that i can drive to anywhere i want without asking my dad to send me here and there, or paying RM25 for a cab ride, or having to lie just to get on the shuttle bus, HAHAHA. shit oh i feel when my tutor told me the story on preparing my L license, but i laughed. bodoh oh kan me?

me;aunty tutor

kau tau kah macam mana aunty dapat lesen L kau?

*changing gear* ndak. macam mana?

kami bawalah kau punya results ujian komputer tu sana JPJ mau buat lesen L kau. lepas tu kan, kau tau apa diorang cakap?

*shakes my head, changing gear 3*

diorang bilang kau punya nama teda dalam sistem.

hah! betul bah???

betul la bah. itulah lambat aunty mau buat 8 jam kau, sebab balik-balik diorang bilang "oh, kau datang besok pi check." tidak pandai-pandai timbul nama kau.

*laughs* sampai gitu skali kah?

ya la bah.

*brakes*

kenapa kau brek ni kereta?

saya mau berhenti ketawa dulu. hehe.

sial oh. now, i can only take my JPJ test on or after 19 march. good oh kan? :/

whatever la, i have so much time to hit the saga here and there :D

i'll miss my long hair, because i'll be cutting it after my cousin's wedding :( btw, Lady Gaga's Telephone and Kara's Lupin are awesome. i likeee :)

i am obsessed with my own words

2010-02-28T23:02:00.000-08:00

Music : Koda Kumi ft Fergie - That Ain't Cool

Mood : Irritated

_________________________________________

I feel very irritated these days;

because:

1. I'm fucking sick, and there's no one to help me.

2. it's damn hot here in KK, and I can get hot easily on hot days.

3. I'm having my priod right now, and I have a bad, bad PMS.

4. everyone in the house is just as irritating.

5. the guy in my driving school irritates me until I am mentally disturbed.

6. of my own idiocy that makes everything goes wrong.

7. of some people who irritate me to the core. Can't they just leave me alone?

8. my phone doesn't work well these days.

9. I feel irritated with myself.

10. SPM results come out too late, for real.

11. SNSD's songs are very irritatting.

12. honestly, I have no fucking idea either.

My blog is starting to get irritating too, don't you think so?

And I cannot believe it's march, march, march tomorrow.

It means... SPM results is coming out soon. Good, because I need a distraction.

p/s: so emo. but i love :D

where do i go now, with fear that haunts me?

2010-02-28T12:25:00.000-08:00

Music : Adam Lambert - Sleepwalker
Mood : Fucked up, bitch

__________________________________

Sometimes; I feel like taking a pair of scissors and stab it on someone.

Sometimes; I feel like laughing over pathetic things, or for no reason at all.

Sometimes; I feel like shouting to shut the fucking world up.

Sometimes; I feel like curse every single thing that goes wrong in my life.

Sometimes; I feel like knocking the window of someone's car and just blame them for everything shitty that happened to me.

Sometimes; I feel like I'm having a bipolar disorder.

Sometimes; I feel like I want to turn back the time so that I know what went wrong.

Sometimes; I feel like punching the wall until my hands bleed.

Sometimes; I just feel like commiting a murder, RIGHT NOW.

Sometimes; I feel like grabbing a hammer and throw it at a mirror.

Sometimes; I feel like pushing a random person from the toppest floor of a tall building.

Sometimes; I feel like screaming to you "I HATE YOU, BITCH."

Sometimes; I feel like asking myself, "What's wrong with you?"

Sometimes; I feel like wishing that I never meet you before.

Sometimes; I feel like I want everything to end today. I mean, today.

Sometimes; I feel like jumping out of the window of my bedroom, for the sake of finding freedom.

Honestly, I think my head is really screwed this time.

Ironic, because I had so much fun last week.

now i know what it's like to be complete, it's hard to stand by myself

2010-02-23T13:56:00.000-08:00

Music : Cheryl Cole - Fight For This Love
Mood : Elated + Sleepy

_____________________________________

I just landed from KL yesterday, woohoo!

I meant to update my trip while I was there, but I thought that spilling the beans when I am here might be better, since I had to live up with Cassey and Satmit's craziness for the whole trip! XD

I still couldn't believe that I got to go to KL with my friends, not famlies.

Oh, I will not regret not going to KL this June anyway; going for a trip with your friends is worth to die for :)

Oh, I missed sneaking out to McD for supper with Cassey and Satmit :D and going to Space Shot in Genting Highlands twice with them...

I'll update some more later, I need to unpack my stuffs first.

Call M For Motherfucker

2010-02-17T03:05:00.000-08:00

Music : Lindsay Lohan - Rumors
Mood : Annoyed

_________________________________

It's 2.21 am in the morning; and I'm still awake, feeling very annoyed.

I'm supposed to help mum on the online booking thingy majigy for their upcoming trip to KL in june. I mean, I had to. She was so willing to wait for me to come home from 1B, just to 'ask' me to help her to book the flight tickets. God, for the sake of technology - there is thing you called PHONE, and she has a brand new VAIO laptop that I swear to God that I can make use of it better than she does. And bloody shit, the wireless! Use them for real, for god's sake!

HONESTLY TECHNOLOGY.

WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING TO US?

And then, she left me to do the whole shit - ALONE. So much being the greatest daughter around huh? You swept your fucking credit card and ICs to me, and you left to catch your sleep. Wow, and there I was in front of her laptop; doing the stupid craps that pissed me off earlier than I thought. At the same time, dad couldn't stop announcing that the ticket price will be raised after midnight. Jesus, I could commit a murder that time; my blood was boiling with anger.

HONESTLY TECHNOLOGY.

WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING TO US?

Dad was wrong, the ticket price remained the same. I stayed up late until 1 am-ish just to complete the whole thing, to shut up everyone's mouth. I WAS EXCLUDED FROM THE TRIP, JUST BECAUSE I MIGHT BE AWAY TO STUDY THAT TIME (which is undeniably migt be true, motherfucking fact). And then, I was about to finish the whole crap when they asked for identity card... internet pin number... financing limit... blah blah blah. So much bullshit to swallow at once. So I had to wake mum up.

me;mum

diorang tanya apa identity card, internet pin number dengan financing limit mama.

... apa dia?

diorang tanya apa identity card, internet pin number dengan financing limit mama.

oh... mana mama tau.

*shocked* mama ndak tau?

mama ndak ingat. lupa.

...

ya ma. lupa.

HONESTLY TECHNOLOGY.

WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING TO US?

So yeah, I tried to sign up in mastercard crap for mum's online shopping account bullshit and then it hit me. MUM FORGOT THE DETAILS OF HER CREDIT CARD AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW A THING ABOUT WHAT THEY ASKED. So yeah, in the end - I shut down mum's laptop, and the whole online booking thingy majigy was incomplete. Just because of the credit card problem, God I feel like breaking the thing into thousand pieces.

For the sake of going to two weddings in Penisular Malaysia (including a family holiday), we try to buy tickets using the modern way just because our cousins and other relatives did it earlier. Yes, I never felt so stupid in my life, my idiocy probably is my worst enemy alive besides my own self and pride.

And here I am now, lashing out whatever is left when I felt like stabbing a knife to someone.

I feel shitty, spiritually drained, and absolutely insane. FML, FML.

HONESTLY TECHNOLOGY.

WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING TO US.

SERIOUSLY.

Tomorrow morning, her daughter will tell her mum to go to the damned bank and ask for the details, or easier just ask them to register mum to the secure code crap. That solution will put her daughter in ease and she'll be willingly to help her with this online booking thingy. So that she can fly safely to KL on thursday without feeling any guilt.

Shit.

I feel seriously fucked up.

Not even the 1B night with friends can cool me off.

I Killed My Boyfriend

2010-02-15T23:46:00.000-08:00

Music : Lady Gaga - Paparazzi
Mood : Elated (Hyper, to be honest actually)

________________________________________

I just got back from KB, and now I'm here - feeling very happy, fun and hyper :D

Oh yeah, I forgot this.

HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR, THE YEAR OF TIGER!

I think this is the best Chinese New Year I had ever, considering that I had lots of ang pau this year and met my chinese relatives.

And yes, Happy Belated Valentine's Day.

It's actually more likely; Happy Single Awareness Day for me? I'm aware about my status for now ;] *grin* and ~~I wish to be single until I'm ready for a commitment~~ (okay, that's random!)

My CNY time this year is more like meeting my relatives that my dad always talked about but never have a chance meeting them until yesterday and today. The first time I saw them, I couldn't believe that I have so much chinese uncles, aunties and cousins! XD If only; if only I brought my camera with me today and took some candid shots of them, you'll be surprised too! Too bad, because all I care was to get the ang pau from them :(

The first house we went was yesterday; near Luyang Perdana. Mohana, I have relatives living near your area! Woohoo! :D I went there with dad, Wawan and Uncle Omar with his family. I met Uncle Ah Voon (sorry la uncle kalau sia salah eje nama, okay?) and his family - his wife, his daughter, his son and other relatives. His daughter; if uncle didn't tell my dad that she was his daughter, I wouldn't recognize at all! She looked more like a tagalog-ish and more dusun-ish? to me compared to the son who looked a little more chinese to me. (And yep, he is cute - and he's 21! XD) The open house was splendid and really looked like 1 Malaysia open house - and the best thing, I got my first ang pau of the day! Oh yeah, I discover that I have a relative living so near to me - sana diorang di Blok P, anak-beranak di Shan Tao XD

Okay, culture shocked alert here, because I never go to a real CNY open house before, so yeah - I'm a little bit sakai ;]

Today, I went to two houses near Kg Baru in KB - and more surprises awaits! I have an auntie; Auntie Jock Hee (ini lagi, saya memang tidak tau eja nama ni) used to teach in Convent, back in the 90's! And yeah! - I met the auntie who gave me money last time in Karamunsing :) The whole gathering was so nice... and well, splendid? More and more ang paus I got, at least for the day! :D OMG, I cannot believe I have a very, very big multi-racial family.

Whatever it is, thanks for making my CNY this year the best and we'll see each other again, sometime... someday. :)

P/S: Cassey & Satmit, 3 MORE DAYS!!! And yeah... the chaos are back, again ;]

What You See Is What You See

2010-02-12T01:44:00.000-08:00

Music : Super Junior - Sorry Sorry Answer
Mood : Satisfied

______________________________________

These few days, I actually spent my free time by learning how to edit pictures using a limited software, PhotoStudio 5.5. I had fun actually using the software, since I didn't have a proper lesson and tutorials on editting pictures - and yeah, the results that I got were satisfying :D Call me a crazy woman; because I never even give a damn on the existence on lasso tools until... two days ago?

It turned out to be a very useful tools :) At least if I ever install the Photoshop software, I don't act like a sakai anymore ;]

By the way, in about 6 more days - I'm going to KL!
I'm so excited since I have about a month left to enjoy my jobless holidays ~~(as I constantly reminding myself that SPM results is coming out in March)~~ and I'm going there with friends! :D

I wonder though; why am I only writing it down here now when I got to know about this 2 days ago?

yep, this time is totally my moment :)

p/s: aunty tutor, bila mau kasi habis 8 jam saya ni?

I May Be Your Sweet Spot, Take Me To Your Candy Shop

2010-02-08T16:42:00.000-08:00

Music : Owl City - Fireflies
Mood : Elated
__________________________

I went for an outing with Cassey, Val and Satmit last Saturday.
Three words to describe it: IT WAS FUN :D

So much for 3 months of a super-freaking-long holiday, I actually think that I am enjoying it now, though my brain rebels the hell out of me to get out from the house faster. I LOVE, I LOVE, I LOVE ;]

TAKE ONE

Location: Sushi King, 1Borneo

I thought we made a new record in Sushi King for being the craziest, wackiest and noisiest group ever. I'm telling you, all the time people were staring at us like it was the first time we entered a sushi restaurant, and we ate there to destroy the place. *snickers* We actually took our curiousity to the highest level when we even laughed at a sign labelled "Watch Out for Fish Bones"! Overall, we had fun (including playing and rampaging the food train) and we walked out the resaurant with a bill that costed us RM67.85. Not bad, considering that there were 4 of us and we didn't eat a lot than expected :D

TAKE TWO

Location: Padini Store & Unknown Clothes Store, 1Borneo

We walked around the place until we entered Padini store and started to try some things, admired some clothes and just talked and talked at the top of our lungs. In the end, we actually tried some clothes. I picked a sleeveless purple dress (which I ripped off the layer inside it, but nah - it didn't cost me anything anyway); Satmit chose a red jacket with a polka dots top; Cassey chose a stripy-stripy shirt; and Val picked a gown that exposed her back, literally - if she chose not to tie the thingy majigy at her back to her waist.

That was not the funnest part - CASSEY ACTUALLY TRIED A WHITE DRESS, AHAHA! Thanks to me and Satmit! Too bad, I don't have a picture for that ;/ And Val tried a black dress, it was preeeety!

TAKE THREE

Location: In a taxi, on the way to Warisan Square

*HIGHLIGHTS*

WE ROCKED THE DANCE DANCE REVOLUTION EVER! AT LEAST, FOR THE LAST FEW HOURS.

In the end, when I got home - I had a tiring body, and less than 10 bucks in my wallet. But then, it was worth it :) Now I can't wait for the short trip to KL.

Gay Partner ;] - You Rock My World!

2010-02-08T02:57:00.000-08:00

Music : -
Mood : -

_________________

GREAT MINDS THINK ALIKE

I think I'm beginning to love that statement.

No wait - I LOVE THAT STATEMENT! :)

Cassey, if you're seeing this; we're geniuses that made impossibilities into something that people can believe out of :D You're my official partner in crime, and yeah - you'll never meet somebody like me and I'll never meet somebody like you, EVER AGAIN ;]

Wow, I can't believe I'm saying this.

But I move on; already...

Maybe It's About Us, But Then What About Guilt?

2010-02-05T17:07:00.000-08:00

Music : Jesse McCartney - Just So You Know
Mood : Happy

_____________________________________________

It's kinda late, but hello flipping fantastic February :)

There's nothing to blog about these days actually, except that I'm getting my L license soon?

OH SHIT. I AM GETTING MY L LICENSE SOON ;]

Well, it was worth it. Me and Cassey suffered for 6 hours of my life just to get a small card that allows us to drive a car (unfortunately, with our tutors around - why can't we be like those L holders for a bike?). We came to the lecture hall and made the class ALIVE, unlike some freaky long-haired man who laughed at stupid jokes that made no sense. What an idiot. We, on the other hand made jokes that had some SENSE OF HUMOUR in it, so yeah - be jealous at us! XD

Okay, cut that - nah, never mind.

It was true anyway, and we made the changing tyres session AWESOME.

Our group was the only one who actually brave enough to curse out loud during the time. People were staring, but hey - don't judge our changing skills ;]

We proved everyone wrong that girls can't change tyres. Ahah, well - maybe not alone la, hehe.

If only we have a footage of us, you were going to laugh at us. Ahah~

And my tutor finally brought me to the driving track to teach me something! Amen, I got to drive the kancil (forget the fact that I couldn't handle the hand brake nicely, but whatever) and drove around the KMK area. I love my tutor, she is the best I have! XD

Well, my driving skills are not bad after all (BANGGA THIS!) considering that I got the hang of the whole track for the first time. I need some touch up of my driving skills (now my dad have to allow me to use the Proton Saga, hahaha) and ~~my ass needs some rest!~~

Take A Deep Breath As You Walk Through The Doors

2010-01-31T21:32:00.000-08:00

Music : Taylor Swift - Fifteen

Mood : Normal

___________________________________

Today is 31 January 2010. Tomorrow is 1 February 2010.

I can't believe this, but time sure passes away so fast.

Wow, and I couldn't believe how stupid I was to break down because I had nothing better to do to fill my time.

I've found time can heal most anything
And you just might find who you're supposed to be
I didn't know who I was supposed to be at fifteen..." - Taylor Swift, Fifteen.

That song stucks in my head suddenly, haha - and at the same time, making me reminisced some things back when I was in high school with my friends :)

Anyways.

Thanks January for the first 31 days of 2010 :)And hello to February 2010!Jesus, what a month it has been - after all.

Hate It? Poke Yourself With A Stick

2010-01-29T03:01:00.000-08:00

Music : Hey Monday - How You Love Me Now
Mood : Bitchy

______________________________________________

I wouldn't give myself any advice, because advice is kinda bullshit. Take a deep breath and don't take any of it too seriously." - Cher

2-in-1 is a bullshit term, because 1 is not big enough to hold 2. That's why 2 was created.” - Mitch Hedberg

Booze, broads, and bullshit. If you got all that, what else do you need?” - Harry Caray

Fact without theory is trivia. Theory without fact is bullshit."

There was a lot of tabloid journalism about my supposed sex addiction. Bullshit. It's all bullshit. I mean, come on, I never pretended to be a saint. But give me a break.” - Michael Douglas

Genius - the ability to produce fantastic amounts of equally fantastic bullshit that all makes perfect sense” - Jason Zebehazy

The next time they give you all that civic bullshit about voting, keep in mind that Hitler was elected in a full, free democratic election” - George Carlin

People are afraid of themselves, of their own reality; their feelings most of all. People talk about how great love is, but that's bullshit. Love hurts. Feelings are disturbing. People are taught that pain is evil and dangerous. How can they deal with love if they're afraid to feel? Pain is meant to wake us up. People try to hide their pain. But they're wrong. Pain is something to carry, like a radio. You feel your strength in the experience of pain. It's all in how you carry it. That's what matters. Pain is a feeling. Your feelings are a part of you. Your own reality. If you feel ashamed of them, and hide them, you're letting society destroy your reality. You should stand up for your right to feel your pain.” - Jim Morrison

I LOVE THE WORD BULLSHIT.
At least it's 10 times cooler than saying the word ~~fuck.~~
wtfwtfwtfwtfwtfwtfwtf :)

Happy 18th Birthday, Twins!

2010-01-28T22:49:00.000-08:00

Music : TVXQ - Balloons
Mood : Normal

___________________________

HAPPY 18TH BIRTHDAY, RYU & TIA! :)

God bless you for the year of 2010, and happy studying in IS! I haven't seen both of them since SPM finished, but I know they are in the best condition whatever they are doing. Many happy returns of the day, and enjoy the day as a newborn 18-year-old! XD

I wonder... if they even read this thing?

Oh well.

What Is The Five-Letter Word To Describe 'Irritate'?

2010-01-28T12:46:00.000-08:00

Music : Mariah Carey - It' Like That
Mood : Normal

_____________________________________

It's called 'annoy'.

Yes, and this is the reason why I hate to go online sometimes.

I HATE THE DRAMA THAT IS GOING ON.

So yeah, Cassey :)

To answer your one damn question whether I will be coming back on facebook, yeah I will. HOWEVER, don't expect me to come so soon because until the day that one person decided to knock her head on the wall, thinking "Yeah, that picture is so ugly" and decided to change it willingly without anyone's conviction, I won't log in even if it will takes months or years. I don't mind anyway, logging in facebook everyday actually gives me a major headache.

You say, the drama will be subsiding soon? I don't think so. You want to know why? Judging from what did you tell me when you called me the other day, I don't think that person is giving up so soon on guilt and infatuation. I know this sounds so mean, but you supposed to know better than I do - since you're the God in this matter (apa punya God ini ah XD) and I'm merely just an audience.

And lastly, I love to make myself disappear anyway. So, maybe even if the drama is OVER, you're giving me a week right at least? - I won't log in anyway and anyhow. It's ~~bullshit~~, but yeah~ let me disappear for a while. THAT INCLUDES MSN TOO, MY RETARTED SIDEKICK! XD you think logging in msn senang kah? Hahahaha~

You can still find me in blog anyway. But don't bring another drama along! Drama is the last thing I want to see in this blog, pestering my life :)

did you see that? i'm sure you do.

Oh No, Oh No, Oh No, You Don't ;]

2010-01-27T17:21:00.000-08:00

Music : On/Off - Futatsu no Kodō to Akai Tsumi
Mood : Hyper!

_______________________________________________

Oh La La, Oh La La, Oh La La~

Forget the part on my previous post that I will put off my blogging for a while.

Very gatal this my hands right now to post something up ;]

By the way, guess what did I get today?

48/50! Okay, shit - I did pass the stupid, motherfucking computer test! :)

Now that I can't stop smiling, I just bought myself a big bar of CHOCOLATE! Whooppee!!!

Now I can finally attend the ~~freaking~~ workshop, or whatever the crappy thing is.

Maybe that's what I want to post up today, just to show that I'm happy.

Don't be jealous now - I studied my ass off just so that I didn't fail again!

Bullshit - now everyone knows I failed the first time - wait, didn't I told that fact before?

----------

Guess what?

HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY JAEJOONG! :D

God bless him, and so all the other TVXQ members! It's a blessing that to see their music change from time to time, since their debut. And yes, I still love TVXQ you know ;]

P/S: should I go to Ameera's barbeque this friday? and yes, I'm still offlining myself in facebook for a reason - I HATE THE DRAMA THAT IS GOING ON RIGHT NOW.

Don't Cry Because It's Over, Smile Because It Happened

2010-01-26T11:35:00.000-08:00

Music : Muse - Undisclosed Desires
Mood : Normal

___________________________________

I FAILED MY STUPID COMPUTER TEST! 38/50 - WHAT THE FUCKING HELL?

But the truth is, I really feel like laughing out loud.

I don't know why and on whatever reasons, but I do feel like screaming - not because I'm upset or sad or pissed off over everything that happened.

Maybe it's about moral or even idiocy, but I'm actually okay with my results.

You didn't know what happened to me yesterday when I stepped into the test room.

I felt unusually cold, probably because I was so scared to fail and at the same time, I felt I couldn't do the same as the others did.

I was shaking so badly - I couldn't stop shaking. And like an hour later, I was announced I failed.

I mean, stupid also la me for changing so many answers the second time because I felt insecure over the answer. If only I felt confident that time, I would've gotten 45 (considering I checked some of the questions I remembered and shit! I did answered some correct)

I'm re-taking it this wednesday.

Wish me luck!

And don't bother to ask, because I won't be online for the whole week - until the next.

So yeah, this is like my last post for now.

Once Your Run, There's No Turning Back

2010-01-22T23:40:00.000-08:00

Music : Nelly Furtado ft Timbaland - Promiscuous
Mood : Stressed out?

______________________________________________

It's a long time since I haven't say this, but I MISS MY FRIENDS!

And guess what?

I'M GOING TO MEET THEM TOMORROW!

Whoopee! XD

Probably one of the happiest news I've heard since 2010 started.

Thanks to Convent's Annual Sports Day! :)

Things to Watch and Learn

2010-01-22T13:16:00.000-08:00

Music : Placebo - Running Up The Hill
Mood : Happy

___________________________________

Did you see the last part of the strip comic?

There's no way I'm going to do that no matter how idiotic I may be and how asshole I am to my friends.

BUT BUT BUT BUT

It doesn't mean I cannot do that to freaks, right?

Hahaha.

I'm blogging today for nothing's sake, since nothing fun and exciting happened this few days, though I'm looking forward to go to Convent's Annual Sports Day - which is on saturday. Other than that, my current 'job' is just sitting at home; watching telly, doing chores and houseworks, exercising and using the computer more than 12 hours a day. Sometimes I think I'm worse than a couch potato or a computer geek but that are the only things I can do so far, for now.

Maybe I'll just go with the flow, that'll do :)

By the way, I was just slacking in youtube last night and found something very... err, interesting to see and watch. Sort of.

Creepy much?

I mean, as far as fans are so obsessed with their favourite anime or whatsoever characters, they don't go that VERY far, like getting married.

Whatever he did (which is against the law), I hope he is happy.

Whatever.

-----------

Hahah.

My computer is next monday :)

Good, because I haven't read anything yet.

My target? Simple.

50/50

Ok la, at least 45.

American Idol Mania

2010-01-19T03:26:00.000-08:00

Music : American Idol audition songs XD
Mood : Feeling funny

_____________________________________

So, AMERICAN IDOL season 9 is here! Since I have nothing that bothers me from watching American Idol, I assure you that I'll watch it every episode without fail!

Kara: So you're the next big thing?
Skii Bo Ski: Biggest thing.
Kara: You for sure?
Skii Bo Ski: Phenomenal.
Kara: We're gonna be blown away?
Skii Bo Ski: Blown away...

Skii Bo Ski - a designer salesman. Saying his name sure is contagious :) See the video for yourself for your own judgement.

Yep, he did get the golden ticket.

But I found he was a little bit cocky - though he was funny and actually said: "...isss a package deal, cause I'm like the dollar store."

Yes, SKII BO SKI we get what you mean ;]

However, hands down everyone!

Skii Bo Skii couldn't beat the best audition of they day:

GENERAL LARRY PLATT!

Pants on the ground
Pants on the ground
Looking like a fool with your pants on the ground

Keep srolling to see the video! It was totally hillarious (like really HILLARIOUS) and he is 62 years old! I wonder how did he get off with such a huge age limit?

He was really out of topic - but at least he made his debut on telly, by any chance!

I mean; he was well-received by Randy Jackson and Kara DioGuardi during the audition, and certainly Ryan Seacrest and the contestants who came to the audition! :)

If I were that general, at least I felt appreciated.

Still, Atlanta isn't the only states I want to watch, I want to watch the others too!

And... I can't wait to see Ellen Degenerees on the show!

It's going to be a hillarious Season 9, I bet.

Turn, Turn, Turn

2010-01-17T23:35:00.000-08:00

Music : Sid - Lie
Mood : What the hell?!

______________________

I felt so embarassing today.

My driving tutor told me, in the middle of the rain, "NO SLIPPERS ARE ALLOWED. But since it's your first day, I'll let you off today." And guess how am I supposed to feel? I felt so fucking stupid when I saw two other students of my tutor were wearing shoes. Like wow, it's a bullshit, seriously bullshit.

So, people - if you don't want to be embarassed on the first day of your own driving lesson, remember this one fact:

WEAR YOUR SHOES.

And you will learn from my lesson, alright?

By the way, thank you people in KMK - for making me feel so alienated. I mean, I came in the driving place, and people were staring - as if I came to the place dressed in nothing. What, is it weird to dress up wrongly on your first day of driving? And those people were in the same class with me during the blind colour test and lectures for five hours. Yes, I was sitting with a bunch of freaks until almost 3.00pm. It was absurd, how could I describe more?

But then, I saw Melissa Goh Siew Jing - my former class monitor for 5ST 2009, and all-time friend! And this part - where I screamed her name in the middle of the blind colour test - I swear to God, it was forgiven, alright? :) She just made my day today, despite the cloudy condition.

And what was more, I got full mark 23/23 for my first test!

Don't try to embarass me for saying it was easy - fine, it was easy but well... whatever. At least half of my 24 hours didn't waste away just like that, though I was very bored for the second half lecture after the lunch break was over. Imagine this: the canteen was too small to fill in the number of people sitting in there, and I had to sit with a girl who is about the same age as me, waiting for SPM results and SHE SMOKES!

Okay, I got a culture shock there, so what?

I don't smoke, don't hate me for that.

But after a long day, I got to go home a calm mind in my head and I went out to City Mall that night to buy a new book and a new DVD; Change of Heart (Jodi Picoult) and Vampire Knight. It was a cheap bargain; I think I am going to visit Popular Bookstore for more hunting day :)

----------

Out of all people, I cannot believe you have a blog. And it is as annoying as yourself. FREAK.

Only Freaks Read This

2010-01-15T22:58:00.000-08:00

Music : Kris Allen - Heartless
Mood : Calm

___________________________

CASSANDRA ASHLEY

BERENICE LU

VALERIE CHIN

You three are freaks, and I have to live with that forever as long I know you.

But you want to know something that makes you three are special to me?

I LOVE YOU.

And yes, yes, yes, I really do.

Thanks for making my day, no matter in what way.

That makes me a freak myself :)

----------

Quick update here everyone.

My first day of driving lesson is tomorrow!

Wish me luck! :)

How Could You Be So Heartless?

2010-01-14T10:44:00.000-08:00

Music : Timbaland ft Nelly Furtado & SoShy - Morning After Dark
Mood : Bored

_______________________________________________________

My first post of 2010. Yep, I know it's late.

And I changed my layout earlier.

Surprised much?

To be honest here, I hate the old layout.

Too much pink that I can't stand for long.

So, here goes my first layout of 2010 - to celebrate the New Year.

And yes, I know it's exactly 2 weeks after 1 January.

Stop telling me that.

By the way, I'm back procastinating myself to Internet.

So you're most welcome to stalk me anywhere I'm available.

Friends, if you want to go for an outing; call me okay? I'm bored and rotting like a dead meat right now.

And well, what is the next big news besides hearing Golden Globe is here soon?

I AM LEARNING TO DRIVE, FOR REAL THIS TIME! This saturday, can't wait to use my rusty brain again! :)

Finally, finally.

If They Are So Offensive - What Are Curses For Then?

2009-12-28T02:53:00.000-08:00

Exactly.
Everything is made for a reason, so do curses.
So - people who can't stand with tongues that curse can FUCK off.

Hate, abhor, loathe - that SHITTY crap?
They may go.
Modern times use these: FTW, WTF, WTH (not offensive enough - but it will do)

FUCK off. Shut the FUCK up.
You motherFUCKER, retarded, SHITTY bitch.
Yep, BITCH.

Seriously, I'm asking you in my best manner.
Are you offended now?
Keep offended then. No one FUCKING HELL cares.
"Language, dammit!" - Let me tell you something, DAMN is a curse word. Don't say the nicest person that you've ever known doesn't curse at all.

What are you going to do now. Sit?
Curse me back if you dare - BITCH.

[I'm not mad or pissed - I'm just testing myself to curse. *smiles* But really - it tires you out to use all the words at once]

A Twist of Horror

2009-12-26T20:26:00.000-08:00

the night is cold
the night is sad for some
the night is so dark
the night come and go like my love for you
the night is time for me to sleep and dream of you
the night is everwhere I go
the night is time for some people to have fun
the night is so alone for me
i hate the night becuase is reminds me of you
the night was when we had fun
the night is so alone now
the night is what you love
but now the night is what i hate because of you

The night is darker and quieter than it usually is.

I wonder what the sky is thinking tonight?

Probably, I'll be expecting a nightmare tonight. If that happens - this is my third day of having nightmares. Is there any catasthrope happening?

Do You Know How Easy It Is to Say Forever?

2009-12-26T18:13:00.000-08:00

Christmas songs :)

It's boxing day - A day after Christmas.

It's not too late to say "MERRY CHRISTMAS" to everyone who celebrates it and to those who feel that they deserve to join in the fun and joy of Christmas. May God bless you for everything that you do in 2009 and may Santa brings you the best presents that you've ever wished! :)

I'm currently spending my final days of 2009 and the remainder of two months of my holidays slcaking, but nothing beats with my time I spent on the telly screen, playing PS2. Yep, half of my 24-hours time I spent on controlling the joystick - so don't expect yourself to see me going out these days for a movie. Okay - the last part was a joke, but I'm not kidding with the PS2 part.

Me and my siblings have been spending our money lately for games, games, games! You name it: Naruto: Ultimate Ninja, Need For Speed: Most Wanted, The Sims 2 (okay, I can't find Sims 3 for PS version - but I believe it'll be out soooon), Ben 10: Alien Force. And if I count all the money that we invested on these ~~CRAPPY~~ games, I can tell you the total of it is enough to buy a pair of jeans and a new handbag (I've seen a very preeety one at one shop in CP - only that time I saved my money to buy comics. Very "investive" :() Although, I feel sad for my sister because she won't get her Nintendo DS as a present for her UPSR results. Mom said that it's better for her to keep the money in the bank than to buy the game. She was mad, but what can she does to back up herself?

Mom.
Always makes false hopes that made us believe completely.
This is what I don't understand with parents.
They make you believe every word they say, in the end the words become something that what people called it - "sweet dreams."

But still, they're our parents. Never mind about that.
By the way...

I saw Guitar Hero set the other day in City Mall, and I desperately want to buy it - rather than buying the Dance Dance mat set that I've wanted so badly for my birthday. THAT PART: blame it on Couple's Retreat because of Vince Vaughn - he made me want to buy one when I was watching the movie! :)

And did I tell you, I'm learning to play guitar and learning to drive???

nice nerd playing the guitar - by the way :)

I want to go watch Alvin and the Chipmunks 2, Avatar and Sherlock Holmes! :)

Will somebody spend me the money?

Price to be Free

2009-12-16T16:48:00.000-08:00

Pink - I Don't Believe You

"Freedom is not free." -unknown author

It's officially two weeks to 2010.

I realized something these few days - everyone is reminding themselves about upcoming 2010, and keeps saying that the year of 2009 happens pretty fast, despite all of those little and big things [big things? oh yeah... big things.] happened this year. Myself, to be honest - will be missing 2009 majorly because I finished my school officially this year and there were so many drastic changes that I saw in my life, including myself.

Getting to know new circles of friends, clicking in with friends that I didn't realize earlier that they are better than the rest of my "before-called" friends, learning new lessons of life, exploring new interests, sitting my SPM [yeah, call that a change] - what do I have to lose? Instead of regretting it, I found out that I was too relieved to know that I've passed all the 'Test of Life' for 2009; and I'll be sure ready to face the new chapter of 2010. I keep saying, "God, I hate my life" or "Why do I have to face all these craps?" or "What makes them better than me?" - you know, all those rantings and so-called complaints.

But when I reflect all those rantings back, they're just another excuses for me to face the whole ordeal about life. Or sometimes, I use those rantings to deny. That's the word: D E N Y.

Get ready to people who think I'm such a useless bitch.

Get ready to all those people who see me as an uninvited stranger in their lives.

Get ready to all those people who think I'm such a dumb girl.

Get ready to all those people who think I'm imperfect when they actually ARE in the same league as I am.
Get ready to all those people who think I'm just the next failure.

Because I'm ready to take the challenge.

Go on and beat me ahead, and see if whatever you said with your tongues before will walk as the way you show yourselves.

Well, whatever it is - 2010 is coming soon! Whoopee! :)

The day you cease to change is the day you begin to die - unknown author

Yesterday, me and my friends - Hazel, Rachel, Janet and featuring Angelcy who came back from Kuching for a short break of her diploma took a little sweet time in Centre Point for my so-belated birthday lunch which was sponsored by - me :) Yeah, you know; it's a tradition in them for whoever birthday is coming up, birthday girl has to spend her friends for the day.

Well, thank God mom gave me a RM50 note - just enough to feed everyone a splendid feast.

I'm not saying anything but this is the first time I went out since SPM finished over 2 weeks ago. Like really went out for an outing, and not just for some dumb personal reasons - which I did sometimes. Okay, by the way - we met somewhere at 12.30 pm or somewhere at that time in Pacific Ngiukee [oh, btw did I tell you that I met Christiannie; my long-lost kindergarten friend? omg, I was so shocked to see her yesterday! happy happy happy time! okay then, back to the story...] and we made up our minds to go to eat at McDonalds...-

-That was before we knew that McD was full of people, seriously. So we went to eat at Kyros Kebab and talked about our lives. It was splendid after all; having long talks in a small, quiet place - thanks to Janet who suggested tha place and just had the place to ourselves.

After that, me and Janet watched Couple's Retreat together, and it was horrendously, tremendously funny! I was so glad that I got to watch Couple's Retreat at the end of the day and oh yeah, we got to meet Gwen, Chyna and Sarah along the way. Haha, typical - meeting in a clothing store and ended up watching movie together in cinema.

Well, I think I wrote too long. Seriously.
I'll stop here then.
Before that...

It's Amazing to See How Things Fall Apart So Easily.

2009-12-14T10:13:00.000-08:00

TVXQ - Rising Sun

Did I tell you, I WAS FALL IN LOVE WITH TVXQ ALL OVER AGAIN???

Okay, that's crappy. Fine, but it's a long time since I didn't talk about them though I still hear updates about them - not as much as the maniacs out there do but at least, I did hear about them. Oh, what's more - my room will be full of them (NICE!) soon, after I clean my bedroom :)

So.
What purpose brings me here today?

............ Oh.
Nothing.
I have to say now, I AM BORED TO DEATH. Seriously.

What else can I say? Well, I woke up early to do my exercises for about 20 minutes, and then I rested for a while, watched The Nanny - gosh, I never got tired of that crappy nanny and her family; she's really funny! :), and currently, I'm watching Oprah Winfrey show - something about kids being abandoned and stuffs and onlining.

But, whatever it is - I am going out tomorrow! :) But only to Centre Point, nothing else :(

Seriously, I need something to work on. And studying is the way to start :) A Level, here I come!

haha, i wish it was true. but damn, it was a stress reliever! :)

Just Pull the Trigger, If Only You're Brave Enough to Do It.

2009-12-11T14:32:00.000-08:00

Rihanna - Russian Roulette

I don't know why, but I'm getting clumsier all of a sudden; since SPM finished days ago.

I can't find my pendrives anywhere, Hazel's pendrive is missing - ~~she is so going to be mad at me~~, my storybooks are all over the place, pictures scatter everywhere in my room. And, what surprise ME the most is I could find all of my fucking school books, exercise books and reference books - and I actually even piled them up and tied them in a few piles for recycle purposes!!! This is so amazing, showing how much I spent so much time just on books - possibly almost half of my life.

Okay, like honestly - I don't mean to burn all of my books - it's just a damn metaphore! Of course, when you're busy with exams, and you finally get your long-lost holiday; of course you're happy? Are they punishing me now for saying I'm going to burn them?

Listen, I deleted my shout out in Facebook. Happy now?

And honestly, if people are asking me, "Hey, are you going anywhere for your hols?" seriously people, I'll say nowhere BECAUSE somebody just cancelled off my trip to KL (and yeah - that'll include the shitty Genting Highlands trip as well) and used financial problems as an excuse. Sometimes, I think that it's better for me not to have the holidays rather than people cancel it just so that people cannot see me being happy for once.

Guess what? I'm creating my own happiness. Exactly.

First, I'm going to sign up for A-Level in KL (yeah, fat chance - I'm taking MAHSA by the way) and fly there alone, without anyone interrupts me. I'm going to stay there for as long as I want until I get bored of seeing KL, and I'll go home - if I'm not broke at that time. And then, I'm going to the university that I want to go so badly and makes sure everyone says yes. There you go, one hell of a plan that me myself doesn't sure if it's going to work.

I want to go out too. But the thing is; I'm so bored of going out already.

I want to go out and watch movies with friends but I'm bad with planning things. I want to go for a karaoke too, but I can't find any suitable groups to go with - other than Hazel, Rachel and Janet. Sometimes, I just wish I can get a driving license in one click and there you go! - I can go out to anywhere I want. Or the shopping malls are so near to my house that I can easily walk to them like my own home. God, by God I'm hell bored.

You know, bored? TV, music, books, onlining - these stuffs cannot make me survive for long!

Cassey, you still owe me and invitation to go for a paintball :) Waiting for your call.

btw, yeah - imissschoolsomuch :)

of papers and pens, still

2009-11-30T22:39:00.000-08:00

"stressing... omg! i haven't revised the formula yet!" - author

listen here guys:

when was the last time i updated my blog?

- probably about 10 000 years ago ;]

and i swear to God that i'll be sticking here for the next 3 months of freedom, updating stuffs about my boring life for 24 hours straight.

because i have absolutely nothing to do during the hols, and believe me people - 90 days can be hell for you.

like that will happen.

shit.

i remembered, back then i was raving about the time constraints to study, and i need a break, and i cannot wait for the long hols to come - yeah, that was the time back then.

and now, 8th of december is coming sooo soon [today itself is 30th of november] - like honestly, what should i do after the SPM examinations has finished?

time happens to be ticking so fast - or i'm the one who thinks life is going on too fast?

i realized something too - what i said months ago and now is so contradicting.

it's kinda stupid, but that's the fact.

tomorrow is literature exam, and i still have the sweet time to spend some time blogging here and going online.

how wonderful of me; belum insaf again this.

well - that's what you called "TEMPTATION" :)

i'll be back for some more.

and it's going to be after 8th of december.

you'll see drastic changes in here, see if i'm wrong about it!

goodbye november, my best month ;]

and by the way, whoever wishes me for my birthday, thanks a lot for wishing me.... how nice of you all! i love you all too!

-------

just for some quickies for exam month....

-SPM- SPM?

some might be interesting, some might be even surprising.

whatever it is, i'm glad it will be over soon! :)

this diagram shows how desperate i am during the add maths papers for knowing nothing at all, biology papers for having no time to finish papers and the results are? i hate myself.

however, it comes with a price. you see that A+ up there? yeah, i can't see it in my future. goodbye my life.

if britney is a president

2009-08-25T11:17:00.000-07:00

a few days ago, i found out about this video when i was watching e! news.

i'm telling you, it's one damn funny video.

at least, and not really expected from britney spears.

and what the hell, she's doing her campaign in bikini - somethinng that hilary clinton would never dare to do!

did you see the red flower on her hair?

if she's really gonna ~~overthrow~~ (oops, i mean take over - sorry obama) i think the world is seriously gonna be chaotic.

plus, maybe the world will be turning upside down. hahaha.

she is jealous, and she knows it well

2009-08-24T11:33:00.000-07:00

"mad with anger" - that's a phrase.

she's a bitch.

is that enough for you? go to hell, bitch.

keep messing up with me, and i'm gonna make sure you're gonna be very sorry.

you are a BITCH, accusing me for something when i didn't do anything.

memang dasar orang suka cari pasal.

i swear to God that i didn't do anything, and guess what? i got the blame.

oh, thanks for making my life easier.

you just love to see people being guilty, don't you?

WHAT THE FUCK. i'm totally pissed right now!

you really think that you can mess up someone's life, don't you? fuck yourself.

she thinks that everybody listens to her. hey hey hey, why don't you use a mirror first?

i know you're just plain jealous, but you don't have the guts to say it out loud.

you're embarassed.

SAY IT.

go on, say it.

say it like you never did before.

you can't, don't you?

HAHA. coward.

i would be a murderer right now if i can't hold on my anger.

i'm willing to stab you, with my 100% pleasure.

but nooo. i couldn't. why's that?

killing is a sin - lame lame lame. and it's fasting month - damn it.

i dont' care.

i'm not the bitch. you are.

do you have enough? i can give you more than i can.

BITCH. BITCH. BITCH.

------------

maybe i was too mad.

and i lost to the Scourge.

damn it DOTA.

and hell, why do i care?

because this is the only thing that makes me alive for the whole week.

bless me.

sorry alleria. you're a good ally but i just can't use you anymore. i'll reconsider enigma instead.

running for that balloons

2009-08-23T14:06:00.000-07:00

SO.

it's been more than a month since i'm not ranting here for some news.

but honestly, i don't really know what to write once i'm here.

maybe because i have no exact idea on what to write anymore.

or maybe i'm just plain boring. or lifeless.

maybe. i don't know.

MAYBE.

i'm just here to find some break from my studies.

as i'm writing something here, it's officially 87 DAYS to SPM and my trial is coming soon.

i'm wasting my sweet time and i don't know what to do anymore, besides studying.

it's like i'm a walking zombie wihout any purposes.

WELL.
i did promise to update some stuff about for the past few weeks while i wasn't here.
but i guess i'm too lazy to do so. or people did it already for me. i don't know.
the fact that some people often update their blog unlike i do, it's better to see theirs.
because in the end, we'll talk about things that nothing less similar to one another.

I'M SORRY.
i can't upload pictures now. anyhow, people. i promise i'll do so.
when i have the right time. sometimes, i can't just hit the right time.
and maybe this time is one of them. or maybe i just... never mind.
sorry, i just can't.

PERHAPS...
i'll have to put off blogging a while.
but i'm not running away. i just can't say everything now.
i'll write something, by and by. to lash out everything the right way it suppose to be.
i'm writing some good, so maybe i'll write something soon.
if i have the intention to write this time. or maybe not.

BY THE WAY.
the fasting month is here. maybe it's a good time to do something good.
though maybe people find me... bad. i don't know.
i mean, what's the point doing good when no one sees it?
i can't force anyone to see it all.

and yes, i promise to all to give out some kuih raya and stuff.
and yes, i promise to push myself harder too to study more for SPM.
and yes, i promise myself to find some eternal peace time for myself after SPM finishes.
i hope so.

i'm seeing it all. and it's time to face the truth.

out of everything, i feel nothing

2009-07-07T19:40:00.000-07:00

karnival sukan.
debra's birthday.
and pictures.
oh. and school tomorrow. fuck the school.
and more fucking kokum. kokum-obsessed.
you bull.

saya update nanti lah.
kamu tunggu ja.
malas lah....

i'm smart. don't be jealous

2009-07-06T19:14:00.000-07:00

teacher saw is teaching add maths for now.
teacher MJ's gone, which makes the whole class finally happy for a while.
i'm not surprise really about teacher saw.
i knew it from shannie - friend next class.

can't wait for the first lesson :)

---------

keshia asked me to be the time-keeper for chess tournament for today.
i was like, "okay. i'll replace you then."

and guess what?
it was super boring. not really, considering that it was one noisy tournament :)
with syaza, nerd, landy, janet, judy, seri, buttz and charity around, it was one nice day.
minus the time that i had to ask janet to move faster.

poor nerd. she was having one nightmare during chess.
well, she got freda during the first round, and there she went away.
judy, btw was really semangat considering that she really could play, it cheered up the library.

and talking about being quiet in the library, for goodness.

in the end, comet won and jet got second.
the joseph sisters won the final and jet only managed to get second place. nvm.
it was one tough game :)

btw, emery. wanna be smarter?
read the books, then you can go on with the toughest geography questions.
by that time, you may find and assasinate me anytime :D
ketara lah orang banyak baca buku, kan?

tough luck

2009-07-03T15:09:00.000-07:00

saya tidak kena pilih PLKN!

senyumlah bah, apa lagi kau mau.

hahahahahaha.

good luck sama siapa-siapa yang kena.

ada faedah dia juga masuk kem 3 bulan.

what can i do.

it's a tough luck.

love them like you never did before

2009-06-29T19:56:00.000-07:00

some news for all franciscans.
i guess some of you all know... but still.

DRAMA.
our school got third, ryu told me on the monday morning.
wow, fortunately they got to snatch the best actress too! eunice...? :)
la salle came in the first place and all saints went for the second place.

at least ryu had something to be proud of as a director before she leaves the school ;]

CHOIR.
our school got second. argh, they're almost there...
when beaufort took the first place (was it beaufort or keningau?)
never mind, convent. there's still next year.
you're still the best choir team we've ever met.

however, the younger sister of convent; SRK St Francis Convent managed to snatch first place after being dominated by Kota Belud district for some time.
yeah, my sister was there in the team, so she knew better.
onna became the best conductor and would be off to terengganu for national level AFTER upsr.

how's that possible? i wanna come too :(

CHORAL SPEAKING.
hmm... they haven't yet.
but i'm expecting them to win.
good luck, team!

my lips are sealed

2009-06-27T12:09:00.000-07:00

it's report card day.

jadi?
saya dapat 32 saja.

jadi?

out of 42 people in 5 pure science.

jadi?

saya bodoh lah bah.

jadi?

means i'm the loser of the world.

jadi?

saya tidak mau gagal lagi lah.

jadi?

saya mau jadi doktor bedah bah. saya mau scolarship.

jadi?

i have to study. i have to study more.

jadi...

i have to do new resolution now, no matter what.

spamming by the way.

stupiddd.

gone too soon

2009-06-25T21:08:00.000-07:00

how sad a day can it be.
when two icons died at the same day?

one died shockingly.

one died after battling one of the fearest disease: cancer.

together, we lost two respected celebrities on the same day.

----------

REST IN PEACE

MICHAEL JACKSON - A LEGEND, KING OF POP

(1958 - 2009)

"After suffering from a cardiac arrest, the king of pop, Michael Jackson died at the age of 50." - source of e-News.

-----

Honestly, I was so shocked when he was announced dead.

No more King of Pop, just like how Elvis Presley died as the King Rock n Roll.

I'm not exactly a fan, but I did grow up listening his songs.

So it's true; "you don't know what you got till it's finally gone."

Someone. Please.

Wake me again and again and say to me that Michael Jackson still lives.

And guess what?

Now that he's dead, the television is streaming with his songs and faces.

I now even know that his songs more than Heal The World and Earth Song.

Wow.

-----

REST IN PEACE

FARRAH FAWCETT - A TRUE CHARLIE'S ANGELS

(1947 - 2009)

"When interviewed by the papparazi, Ryan-O-Neal; a long time Fawcett's fiancee simply said 'She's dead.'..." source of e-News.

-----

Farrah Fawcett. I watched the original Charlie's Angels before for a few times.

She was a good actress.

But what amazed me most of all, she's battling for cancer for almost 3-4 years.

She ever said that she wasn't going to die because of her disease.

She was tough, and she was wonderful.

Too bad her son wasn't with her during her final days.

He was in jail... but oh well.

-----

"Play on, invisible harp, unto Love,
whose way to heaven is aglow,
at that hour when soft lights come and go,
soft sweet music in the air above,
and in the earth below..."

Both of you will never be forgotten.

craving for some fun

2009-06-20T13:45:00.000-07:00

it's a saturday, i know that.
this is a day that you're supposed to be at home, still sleeping in bed at wake up late.

but no, i didn't.
instead, i was stuck in SCHOOL for some lame kokum activities.
and i went to school almost 40 minutes late [what? i don't care; it's a saturday!]
sudahlah bangun lambat.
and it was not fun. AT ALL.

what did i do in the end? writing some bullshits.

oh well. i did have some fun, to be very honest.
during scouts, i was having fun talking with emery half of the time, watiting for some scouts members found us for some clues [another same activity, really]
and there was sammy and didy joined us with their homeworks.

and when it was time to go home, and i went home.
that was it. boring kan?
talking about boredom, saya rasa macam kehidupan saya sudah hilang.
how's that?